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Friday 23rd April 2004

I was feeling a bit insane today. I have, after all, travelled alomst 600 miles in order to kill something that all science and reason says does not exist (but then doubtless science would also deny the existence of 999 gods dedicated to a car number-plate game). The Loch Ness exhibition in Drumnadrochit is surprisingly frank about the fact that the monster can not possibly be in the Loch and that all the photos so far are fakes.
But then I looked at the other tourists who were milling around the area and realised that I'm not that mad after all. The Loch is apparently the top tourist attraction in Scotland and the reason that most of these people are coming here is because they want to see the monster. Despite the fact that logic and reason and evidence dictates that there is no monster. They still come in the hope of seeing it. And is it any more insane to want to see and kill something that doesn't exist than it is just to want to see it?
A taxi driver told me that the man who runs the local post office made £80,000 profit last year in post-card sales alone. And he must be making quite a bit more than than because he charged me £15 for my replacement camera battery (so you can immediately add ten pounds to that figure). The local shops are crammed with toys and fridge magnets and T-shirts. Far from wanting me to rid them of this monster, I think the local inhabitants will be angry with me if I do. All this money surely more than makes up for the loss of the occasional virgin (and it seems that the locals get round this loop-hole anyway as I have been unable to locate a virgin anywhere in the vicinity).
I wondered how the actions of Hercules had affected the economies of the local areas that he did his monster-slaying. Doubtless people were making a pretty penny out of selling Hydra dolls and Nemean Lion pyjamas and then he comes along and spoils everything for them. The more I learn about this bloke, the more I realise he was a total jerk.
But you'll have to wait til the show to find out if I killed the monster despite all this. I'll just say that I don't think he'll be troubling anyone after my visit.

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