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Monday 4th August 2003

When I entered the gym changing rooms today there was a man standing in the bit with the hair-dryers. I would say the presence of hair dryers suggests that this area is to be used by men who are drying their hair. There are other grooming products there like hair gel (to gel hair after it is dry) and what is specifically called "hand and face moisturiser" which again I (possibly pedantically) assume to be moisturiser for the hands and face. I'm not so pedantic as to insist it is only used on one hand. I think "hand" in this case clearly implies "hands" (otherwise it would specify a hand that deserved to be moisturised above the other).
Anyway, what I'm saying is this is a section of the gym changing room that has clearly been allocated for men to make their final adjustments before heading out of the door. To dry and gel their hair, moisturise their hand and face (and then use their moisturised hand to moisturise their other moisturised hand). I would say this is an oasis in the locker room where one is safe from the otherwise inherent dangers of getting a bare arse in your face.
So I was surprised and shocked to see a totally naked man standing in this area, neither drying his hair, or putting gel in it, or moisturising his face or hand.
He was in face applying the clearly marked "hand and face moisturiser" to his naked buttocks.
I think this is too broad a reading of the word "face".
Thankfully I was on my way into the gym and was in no need of drying or gelling or moisturising, so I was able to avert my eyes from this brazen act and make my way into the main part of the changing room (where I relucantly accept that I am likely to see buttocks, though would still be upset if someone was massaging moisturiser into them).
But imagine if I was on my way out of the gym, with wet hair and an unmoisturised face and hand (for the sake of fun let's say that one of my hands was somehow already moisturised). This would have been an extremely embarrassing and difficult situation. I would probably have had to squeeze passed his naked arse as he moisturised it to make my way to the hair dryer.
Do these men have no shame?
It's as if far from taking note of my previous request to have signs up saying "Don't put your arse in people's face" or whatever, that the management of they gym has said to everyone else, "Please try and get your naked arse out more often in the locker room, especially in places where all common sense says you should be clothed."
Are we really living in a world where someone in authority has to tell us that the hand and face moisturiser is to be used only on hands and faces? That if you want to moisturise your arse then you can do it at home and use your own moisturiser?
Cos I'm not sure I want to use moisturiser on my face which comes from the same bottle that someone else has just used to moisturise their arse.
I think this is deeply wrong.
I didn't say anything. I just caught the bloke's eye and then looked away.

Still I bet he's got really smooth bottom cheeks.

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