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Tuesday 5th August 2003

Damn. It actually says hand and body lotion. But even so I am still right.

I had a lazy, late lunch at Cafe Rouge today. I am on holiday. That's the kind of crazy thing I get up to. I was reading Andrew Collins' rather amusing book "Where Did It All Go Right?" and through him remembering my own childhood. It was remarkably similar to his. Down to ridiculous details. Perhaps this is how "psychics" manage to come up with all that amazing detail about our lives. Perhaps we are all just the same, however much we think we're individual.
Or maybe just ponces who make their living through writing and broadcasting are all similarly idiotic.
Anyway, I ordered a chicken casserole. It said on the menu that it came with French Bread. The waitress asked me if I wanted French Bread. I said, "Yes," as in "yes, of course, as it's mentioned on the menu." Unfortunately I didn't think to say that and possibly my "yes" didn't totally convey that message.
She returned a few minutes later with a basket of French bread. I already suspected that this was extra French Bread to the French Bread that came with my order. I was too embarrassed to say anything though. I thought I'd just eat the French Bread (making sure I saved some, just in case this was the French Bread mentioned on the menu, rather than being some extra French Bread that I had been inadvertently forced into ordering.)
The waitress said "There you go, it's lovely and hot, as well," which seemed like an odd detail. Especially when I took the first piece and found it had an almost total absence of warmth. I don't think she was being sarcastic, because it did appear that had been some kind of cursory effort to heat the bread up. But it was only slightly warm on the outside. The butter didn't melt on it.
It was perfectly nice, but it seemed weird that the waitress should advertise its excessive warmth when it displayed hardly any warmth. It was about 3pm, I was the only customer. It wasn't like it would have got cold on the way from the kitchen to me.
It had never been hot.
When my casserole arrived some time later, there was indeed a couple of big bits of French bread with it.
I thought about complaining.
But I couldn't be bothered.
Instead I just ate all the bread.
It was too much bread to be honest.
And I'd chosen the casserole as a healthy option.
As I left I thought about asking for the extra bread to be taken off the bill. After all I had been tricked into buying it. I had a defence that would stand up in court. I thought she was just asking if I wanted the bread that came with the dish, not a whole basket of extra bread.
But again I wimped out of that one.
Maybe I could not give a tip instead to register my disapproval.
No, that would be rude.

However, justice was served as the waitress left one of my coffees off the bill. A coffee was about 50p more than the bread, so I was actually up (and had had a lot of free bread as well!)
It pays to keep your mouth shut.

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