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Tuesday 24th March 2020


My son isn’t really interested in getting potty trained. He’ll sometimes do wees in the potty if he has one lined up, but he likes to go behind the sofa or under the table to poo in his nappy - you’ll know he’s doing it because if you ask him if he’s pooing he’ll say “No, I’m fine.”
Unusually he hadn’t pooed all day today. I put him on the potty before the bath but he was keen to get in the tub with his sister so we left it.
A couple of minutes into bath time he looked a bit perturbed and said he needed a poo. He has pooed in the bath before and knows it’s shameful and didn’t want to be caught out again. I plonked him on the potty and he seemed in some distress and started crying. This was unusual, but I was soon to find out why. Unable to poo he got up and ran towards his bedroom. His mum came out of our room and followed him. I could see a poo emerging from him like a chunky tail and encouraged her to put him on the potty in there. She got him on just in time and he cried more as turd emerged. My wife like out a shriek of surprise and laughed and told me I had to see what had emerged from our child. It was literally unbelievable. 
I have seen some big turds in my time and many of them coming form tiny children who you wouldn’t think had this in them, but I have never seen anything like this. You would not believe that it could have fitted inside a 2 year old and you certainly wouldn’t believe it had come out of him. This was as close to childbirth as a man could ever experience. It was at least two inches in diameter and maybe 8 inches long (and yes something that looked like this could only be measured in inches) and I considered putting it in the outside bin rather than the toilet as it seemed unlikely that it would flush. But the turd gods would not let this float in the pan and they somehow took it first time. 
I have never respected a human being more than I respected my son tonight. He knew he had done something wonderful. In this dark times we need a hero like him to lighten our day.
All the usual Twitch stuff went off. Join us at 8am for stone clearing and 7.30pm for exciting snooker action.

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