If I became Prime Minister I would immediately launch all the nuclear weapons as soon as I got to power at everyone who wasn’t British (and to be honest I’d take out certain portions of Britain). No point in having the weapons if you’re not going to use them. No one would fire back because the whole point of nuclear weapons is deterrence and how childish would you look if you just petulantly fired back your weapons and ensured the destruction of all life on planet Earth. Plus you’d have to consider the fact that it might be a computer glitch. All in all, the first striker would win, because no one would believe it and even if they did then what about the humanity? Cornyn’s a wuss. The very worst option is to have the weapons but let everyone know you’re not going to use them. Just don’t have the weapons and spend the money on penny chews and take your chances.
Anyway, I hate humanity, vote for me.
More house hunting today and I returned to the pub that gives our free toast and spent loads of money on lunch. So that worked. They’re already up and I haven’t even moved there yet. There wasn’t free toast today, because they “claimed†it was no longer breakfast time. Like all good dealers they give you your first hit for free. It was a beautiful sunny day and we went to the park and pushed Phoebe on the swings. She is fearless, unlike her father and doesn’t even hold on and squeaks with glee. Never mind my comedy shows, if you’re feeling a bit down come and hang around with my daughter for a bit. She will cheer you up. Nothing is not funny to her. Except for when I hit her head putting her back in the car. But even then she was only upset for a bit. Luckily a bang on the head causes amnesia and thus is its won cure. As long as I didn’t hit her head again she’d never know what I had done.
Another mother and her daughter were in the playground. We chatted to her about the area. She had moved from London 6 months ago and seemed vaguely haunted by the way her life had changed. Not that it was necessarily bad, just that things had changed a lot. After 26 years of living in London I am a little worried about how I will adapt to the changes, but only a little. I think I am ready for this. And if it turns out to be a mistake then I can always never come back as within six months London house prices will have risen so much that I will only be able to rent the floor of a coat cupboard.
Later in a cafe two ladies in their fifties at the next table were very taken with Phoebe, correctly so as she's a cracker. My wife handed the baby over so that I could feed her and they were even more impressed. "The father feeding the baby, that wouldn't have happened in our day."
"I feel sorry for those dads. It's their loss." They agreed. And it's true. I am getting so much out of being a hands-on dad and can't envisage not being expected or even allowed to do these little tasks that bond you to your child.
The long anticipated RHLSTP with Limmy is now up on video
and audio
http://www.comedy.co.uk/podcasts/richard_herring_lst_podcast/episode_80_limmy/
