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A flyer came through my door for “The Famous Astrology Centreâ€, which I had never heard of before, even though it’s in Shepherd’s Bush Market. I am the last person who would ever go to see an astrologer and it struck me that if that astrologer was any good then he would only deliver leaflets to people he knew were going to take notice of them and book an appointment. Why waste his time giving one to someone as sceptical as me?
Which suggests that perhaps he knows something that I don’t and that in spite of thinking astrology is clearly ridiculous for some reason, pretty soon, I am going to visit his premises and ask for a reading. To be on the safe side I think I’d better book an appointment, proving the the spiritualist was right all along and making a nonsense of my scepticism.
He also offers hand reading. I wonder if he charges by hand size because it’s not fair if someone with the hands of a seven year old girl which would only take a minute to read have to pay the same as those of some big-handed giant.
But it’s a tempting leaflet offering solution to all kinds of maladies including relationship problem (singular), depression and street, family arguments, mis-understanding (again singular and hyphenated as well) and childless couples. I always find childless couples a problem, so it will be good if by going along to see him I can somehow help to wipe them out. It says “Are you disappointed meeting astrologers and not getting solutions? The please come and meet God Gifted spiritualist and get permanent solutions to all your problems!†Which is quite a boast. He can solve all of my problems forever, which is an incredible and for him counter-productive service. I go and see him, no more problems ever, so I don’t need to see him again (I bet he works in some kind of twist where the problems will come back double if you don’t come every week). But it’s slightly sinister too. Surely the only permanent solution to all your problems is death. Is he going to murder me if I go?
More services are promised on the reverse of the leaflet including “Get your husband back from another women and reuniting love†and “childless couples & Vedic and tantric Rituals to make thing happen etcâ€. I love the etc there, but the whole statement seems impossibly exciting. He also offers “Protection from Enemies and Cure of Black Magic†and I could do with both of those.
The more I think about it the more this guy knows the future. He must have foreseen that I’d write a blog about him and probably a Metro article. Also I reckon he can probably curse people with Black Magic as well as remove the curse, so I am not going to knock him. Use his services. He’s so good that I don’t need to tell you his name. You will receive a leaflet if that is in your destiny.
The winner of the end of September prize badge draw is Pete Phillips of Bristol who will win some stuff including one of the 12 shows t shirts that didn’t get picked up.
