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Tour facts - Tour facts! February 1st I am appearing in
Northampton, home of Andrew Collings and other cobblers. Ampton was once a sprawling city covering most of southern England, but now only Northampton and Southampton survive.
Tour facts - Only London date for Oh Frig I’m 50 + where show will be filmed is t
he Queen Elizabeth Hall on May 4th This temporary venue appears once a decade when Queen Elizabeth expands to 10,000 times her normal size. 900 people can fit inside her.
Audience members enter via the Queen’s huge mouth and each get their own royal greeting. There are two exits and if you come out of the wrong one you will be 12th or 18th in line to the throne (dependent on your sex)
Today I recorded a short preview episode of a podcast I am going to try to keep going over the tour. I talked about being belittled by scaffolders. I dug out the photo I had taken of the van to illustrate the pod. I wasn't quite as near to the end of the line of traffic as I remembered (but I had still travelled a good long way to get to this point) but what amused me was that both the scaffolders were pointing at their own camera that they had on the windscreen. They were filming the whole thing. Though I only wanted their details so I could complain/make sure I never used their service.
The podcast will be out as soon as approved by iTunes.
I’ve always enjoyed inappropriate 999 calls. Every six months or so the emergency services release details of wrong calls, as an example to us all on how NOT to use the service. I did a routine about it a decade or so ago and here’s the latest stupid call,
from a woman who is worried about a cracked egg. Ha ha. She is stupid. Though it might have been quicker just to tell her not to worry about it and move on.
But the thing is however many stupid calls they put out, the stupid calls keep coming. I wonder if they need a change of tack. What if every six months they released actual valid 999 calls to show the kind of stuff we should be ringing about. Terror is surely a more effective teacher than stupidity. Listen to this person screaming because their house is on fire. How about this one, whose child has just been hit by a cannon-ball. Or this distraught person who has been burgled and found the burglar’s shit all over their sofa. Unless you feel as upset as these people about what is happening to you, then it’s probably not time to ring 999.
Phoebe’s bedtime was the fatal combination of exhaustion on my part combined with extreme silliness and skittishness on hers. I attempted to reason with her that she should put on her pyjamas, but she just giggled and refused to come out of her play tent, with her bare bum sticking out of the entrance. She wanted me to pull her around in the tent and then roll it over. I just wanted to get her dressed before I fell asleep. She was having fun though and it was hard not to laugh.
Apropos of nothing she said, “You’re not coming to my party, daddy,†- it’s her third birthday in a couple of weeks- I didn’t really understand what had brought this on, as I had been quite patient with her and had indulged her nudey-bum whims, so asked why.
“You’re a naughty boy,†she told me.
I mean, I wonder what she knows.
One imagines that she’s been lording her party power over the other kids in the nursery in this way. But she is very excited about the party, informing the staff today that she is having “a bunny one.â€
I am not sure how you have a bunny party, but I am going to have to work that out in the next few days.
