My Twilight Zone sat nav is excelling itself in surrounding my life in mystery. Tonight I was heading out to provide support for the excellent Francesca Martinez at the Tricycle Theatre (she's there all week and
it's a show I can thoroughly recommend though I was only appearing tonight).
We were running a little bit late, with a 45 minute drive ahead of us and I waited for my wife to make final preparations I put the postcode of the theatre into my sat nav and then put the sat nav in the pocket of my suit. I had a few other bits and pieces to grab, but I was sure I had put the sat nav in my pocket. We rushed out the door and down to the car and I am fairly confident that I can remember feeling the weight of the sat nav in my pocket as I approached the car. It was definitely there. I am certain. Almost certain.
When I got to the car my wife chucked something on the back seat and shut the door. I wasn't sure it was properly shut, so I opened it and shut it again, but only a tiny amount, nothing could have got in or out. I then opened the passenger door (my missus was driving in and I was driving home, allowing her to have a drink if she wished, because I am a considerate and brilliant husband). I opened the passenger side door, put my bag on the seat and without getting into the car (I am pretty sure of this) I reached into my pocket to retrieve the sat nav which I was sure I had sensed there just seconds before. But the pocket was empty. I checked all my other pockets and looked through my bag, but the sat nav was not there. I emptied my pockets and all the compartments in the bag, but impossibly the sat nav that had been solid moments before had seemingly vanished into thin air. It made no sense at all. I checked underneath and down the side of the seat, but nothing was there. I looked underneath the car. I checked my pockets and the bag again. Surely this could not have happened. If it had fallen out at any point, surely I would have heard it clatter to the ground. Had I already taken it out of my pocket and then placed it in the car already? I was sure I hadn't. I remembered reaching into my pocket and finding nothing there.
So had I imagined that it was in my pocket. Had I left it in the flat? Or had it somehow fallen silently out as I walked, which would also require it to break the laws of gravity (there was no hole in my pocket and a sat nav can't jump - a normal one at any rate). I couldn't have been pick-pocketed on the way as we had left our flats without passing a soul. Had I already handed it to my wife when we were both distracted by our haste? Neither of us thought so, but she checked her bag anyway.
I was a bit tired and had done a long work out at the gym and not eaten all that much, so maybe this was just fatigue. But it was exacerbated by the fact that we were already late - we didn't have time to stop and think too much. I concluded that the only rational explanation was that I'd taken the sat nav out of my pocket again when I was in the flat - even though I was fairly sure it had been in there as I approached the car. There was an outside chance that it had somehow fallen silently to the ground on the way, but if so it had only been there for two minutes and it would still be there. I retraced my steps, checking the floor and nearby foliage and then searched our small flat, but to no avail. Was it possible that I had dropped it in the corridor of the flats and in this tiny window of opportunity someone had seen it and decided to keep it. It seemed highly unlikely. There aren't that many flats here and we'd seen no one moving around.
It was a real Arthur C Clarke mystery and one made more spooky by the recent erratic behaviour of the machine. Was it the sat nav that was erratic or had I finally lost my marbles? I really could see no rational explanation for this disappearance and whilst I found it hard to believe that an object could dematerialise, the fact that it was this particular object did make it slightly more possible. I wracked my brain to think of an answer. It couldn't realistically have fallen into the car as I hadn't got into the car when I noticed that it was gone, it couldn't have fallen on to the floor because I would have heard it smash or crash on the path and it couldn't be in the flat because I was sure I had put it in my pocket and even if I hadn't I wouldn't have hidden it. I had even looked in the fridge, because I am that old that that was a possibility.
Nothing.
We had no time to consider as we now had to get to London and find the theatre without a sat nav. I was lost. Like the man in the drama script that I am considering writing I have no idea how to navigate any other way than a device telling me where to go. Luckily my phone has maps on it, so I could work out the route and luckily it was an area I know a little bit. But had this been on a day where I had a gig in an unfamiliar place I would have been screwed.
I was mainly annoyed as I seemed to have lost an expensive bit of kit in the stupidest way possible. Just by mislaying it between my front door and my car.
As we hit the road I slightly regretted not double checking that it wasn't under the car. Later I realised that there was a chance that I might have put it on top of the car as I got the rest of my stuff in, like my dad had once done, without realising, with his passport, wallet and credit cards. But I could clearly remember reaching into my pocket for what felt like the first time and not finding the sat nav. I was bamboozled and a little bit afraid.
I thought I might find it sitting on a table or lying in the driveway on my return, but we had another search, but no luck. Maybe it had been on the roof and had fallen off somewhere on route. Or maybe one of my neighbours had found it - would they give it back? I was pretty much resigned to having lost it now - I had checked every possible place it could be several times. And it meant I was also going to have to buy another sat nav, as I am unable to cope out there on the roads without this assistance, even if it does sometimes deliberately send me the wrong way.
I am rational and logical and I knew there must be a non-supernatural explanation. But if there is, I couldn't think what it was.
Can you solve the mystery from the clues provided? I am not sure that Jonathan Creek could. And yes, you don't need to inform me of the irony of a lost sat nav, or the fact that at least the sat nav knows where it is or that I just need another sat nav to find the sat nav. If there was any consolation for me here it was that there was the possibility of a routine out of this madness. I felt certain there was a blog in it. But that didn't make the loss of £200 worth of kit any better.
There is NO EXPLANATION. It is IMPOSSIBLE. It's actually UNpossible.
