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Tuesday 15th July 2008

Well I might as well give up on my Edinburgh show and my Guardian Guide to writing comedy, because today I was given "Guitar Hero" for the Mac for my birthday by my evil management agency, Avalon. You'd think it wouldn't be in their interest to give me something that would so clearly distract me from my work and thus lose them their commission on unfinished projects, but for some time I have suspected that they took me on their books just so they could destroy my career from within. They have been quite subtle about it, seemingly working hard to get me on TV and getting me loads of work that has earned me good money for the last few years particularly, but that was just to lull me into a false sense of security. And now comes the killer blow. Guitar Hero. I can now pretend to be a rock star, whilst holding on to a silly plastic guitar. It's surprisingly addictive and you do quite quickly forget that you are in fact just pressing buttons and clicking a button and convince yourself that you are actually brilliant at the guitar and are in a band. Even though I am only playing on Easy and am quite rubbish at it.
I just had to stop writing my blog and knock off another song then. I did Holiday In Cambodia by the Dead Kennedys and it was one of my more successful efforts. I am in the Dead Kennedys. Beat that.
I was tired anyway and not really in the right frame of mind to work, so it wasn't too much of a waste of time. And deadlines are too pressing for me to be able to play the false guitar all the time, but I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it.
I also spent some of the day playing my new trumpet and working out how to play the lick from Geno by Dexys Midnight Runners. So I really am like someone in a band. I thought that after twenty odd years without playing a brass instrument that my lip might not be up to the job. But I actually found it reasonably easy to pick up again. Not that I was doing anything too demanding, but I could remember all the fingering and it was easy enough to thus work out how to play the bit I needed. I thought I was pretty excellent actually. I'm pretty sure that as a result of this show some orchestra conductor will probably sign me up to be first trumpet. Even though I never got beyond second trumpet in the KOW brass band. I think I am much better now.
Or maybe Dexys Midnight Runners might hire me to just come along with them and play that bit of that one song whenever they do it. Plus I could strum along with my plastic guitar, which won't really work, but at least I will look cool - a 41 year old man with a tiny child's guitar with no strings.
Whatever, my comedy career is over thanks to Guitar Hero, so it is fitting that I should be in a band. I am looking forward to my new career.
I have to go now... to do some work.
Guitar Hero is now work, thanks to this new justification!

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