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Who Shots on bluesky tweeted a picture from old, proper Doctor Who of Sarah Jane talking to a big, green, one-eyed, penis-headed alien and not for the first time I had a Proustian-style flashback to the 1970s in Loughborough and the Weetabix Dr Who diorama packets. Would Proust be as famous if his jolts to the past were caused by genderless alien who somehow looks like all human genitalia all at once? I won't tell you what they were caused by as I know there's a time limit on spoilers and some of you might not have finished Remembrance of Things Past yet.
I will post the essay below the paywall for paid subs on Substack. The rest of you can buy it on kindle!
Not that I managed to collect all the figures at the time. I wonder how long that promotion lasted - it feels like a big chunk of my childhood was spent playing with this rather basic toy. How many extra Weetabix did I eat so that my parents had to buy more packs?
Even though I can't properly imagine images, somehow seeing even the back of the head of Alpha Centurii means I know exactly what they looked like (imagine how angry the anti-woke gammons would be about a genderless entity on a kids TV show but people of the 70s were too caught up in being racist to worry about such things). I think I was scared and fascinated by this penile Cyclops, even though I am sure it was one of the few Dr Who characters who was meant to be funny rather than terrifying. The jolt I feel seeing AC is so strong. And it takes me back not to the TV show but to a kitchen table, that I can't remember or visualise in a kitchen that I have forgotten in 1975. That fucking green prick.
Most of the others are familiar too, though I don't think I ever found Draconian as I have no memory or feelings towards him (or Quark or Yeti). Did the people who put this set together know what strong bonds they were creating? Did they squirrel away loads of sets for themselves so that their grandchildren could sell them in 2026 and have enough money to buy a Nintendo Switch? Or did they just assume they'd made something that would sell a few more packs of Weetabix, be played with for a couple of days and then thrown in a bin? And if so, why did they make them so good?
My whole life seems to have been unduly influenced by the TV I watched (and cereal that I ate) back in the 1970s. I must have had a happy childhood (mainly sitting in front of the TV) because I seem to have spent most of my life trying to remain 8 or 9.
