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Legotowergate continues to rumble on. Ernie wrote about his "world record" for his homework and we stuck my forged certificate into his course work. Will his duplicity and my lies be rumbled by the teacher. Where will this end?
The fear of scandal did not stop us though, as Ernie was a bit upset that his certificate was now Pritt-sticked (or is it Pritt-stuck? Not sure. It's maybe called a stick because it's a stick of glue, not because you stick things with it, so I may have for it right first time. If someone was beaten to death with sticks, you'd say they were sticked not stuck. Sadly because I think Ian Pritt thought he was doing a pun when he called it a stick - it's not really a stick though is it?- it might be both) into his homework book.
So I risked forging a second certificate - this one giving the date of the record (he insisted on it being 31/10 even though the "record" was actually completed on the 30th. Lie upon lie upon lie). One certificate might fool the authorities, but if they find out there are two copies of the document they will surely start to suspect something awry. And I am worried an industry might develop where hundreds of people are forging this same certificate for their own profit. Eventually there might be as many Ernie Herring World Record Certificates as there are pieces of the true cross or bits of gristle that are claimed to be Jesus' foreskin. I am not saying Ernie is Jesus, that is for others to say, though at least that would mean I wasn't his real dad.
To taunt the people looking for World Record Certificate forgeries (so easy to do. You can make up your own one using this blank form) I decided to make Norris Macwhirter's signature look like it had been done by a teenager and put hearts over the "i"s. A diligent forgery hunter might notice that the date of the signing makes it almost impossible for Macwhirter to have authenticated this at all, so I am really taking a risk making his signature so friendly. It made me laugh though, because from the stories I've heard from people who worked with him (plus things he did in his life) I think he was quite a bigoted man. So having such a daffy autograph would be a bit of a surprise. Behind every bigot is a teenager who put hearts on their "i"s and were then mocked for it when they got a bit too old (Hitler did it and that's why he wasn't allowed into art school.Yaxley-Lennon had to change his name to Robinson so he had an i to put a heart on).
Anyway the truth walks whilst a lie can be in a homework folder in a weekend. I am hoping that Ernie's teacher doesn't work it out. Or worse that Ernie's teacher believes it and Ernie is lauded in assembly and the Sunday Times buy the rights to publish the certificate after Hugh Trevor-Roper says it's probably legit.
