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Phoebe has been given homework for her new school, which seems a bit mean since she hasn't even got there yet. So after the kids had had a fair share of ipads and TV, I said it was time to get off screens and for her to have a crack at her summer holiday schoolwork.
Phoebe put down her phone, but Ernie was still on his iPad. She went into adult mode and told him to get off his screen.
"Who put you in charge?" I asked. "Was it mum going upstairs?"
"Yes,"Phoebe agreed without laughing at my clever satire. It's very hard to get a laugh out of this, my most important audience. Instead of going to the table where the homework was she headed to the bathroom. "I'm just going to the loo," she told me.
"That doesn't sound like homework," I said, "Unless it's very weird homework."
Ernie laughed at this one and even Phoebe gave an appreciative short laugh. It was just a Ha! but it was a genuine ha, before she remembered herself. I had got her. It was insane how good this hard won laugh made me feel.
Once again having a kid is a real Stockhausen Syndrome situation. Where you are kept prisoner by people who treat you awfully and bombard you with constant discordant sound, but you somehow still love them and any crumb of approval is leapt upon.
Comedy audiences are no challenge for me any more and I can make Ernie laugh pretty easily. But an 11 year old old who is already coming up with better one liners than I could ever dream of is my toughest crowd.
Though I am also keen to get to impress SydneyMcintosh-j2j
on youtube who called me "the hackest hackey hack comedian of all time." I have been called crap before and not without reason - I am one of the most critical opponents of my own stuff and am not sure that I am any good at all. But I've never been accused of being hack before. I am always trying to do things a different way. It's largely why my efforts are generally so poor.
I haven't once done a joke about identifying as an attack helicopter or stuff about airline food or anything but ironic pull back and reveal jokes and have done my best to expose hack jokes wherever they may arise. Ever since I was 28 years old and on a bus all the time. I guess a lot of the new comics are playing themselves at snooker and doing puppet shows with weird ancient dummies these days.
Not many negative comments get to me and I find most of them quite funny and am glad to have annoyed people who I consider to have a bad and wrong sense of humour. Sydney has managed to get under one layer of skin though, but only because I can't work out what the Hell they can be referring to. From now on I am only doing stuff with Phoebe and Sydney in mind. If you want a tough crowd then you have to curate them and assemble them like they're the Magnificent Seven (which is a good size audience for me).
To be fair, the joke about going to the toilet being weird homework is probably a bit hack. If Sydney is hiding somewhere in my house then fair enough. If you think the stuff I put out is shit, you should hear the jokes I do for my family.
