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I thought maybe, today, my family might acknowledge this milestone - maybe Catie would have got me some gifts or brought me breakfast in bed. But nothing.
I can already sense the many woke feminazis who read this bristling and saying, "Wait, did you get anything for Catie? After all she has been a parent for exactly the same length of time and arguably does more actual parenting and also squeezed two human beings out of her body somehow, though I am not really clear on that part."
No, I did not get her anything. Just like you don't give a farmer a present on the 11th anniversary of the first time he harvested some potatoes. She just grew the babies, which happens naturally and by magic and causes her no bother. I had to drive them to school today AND pick them up.
This anniversary should be about being a great parent, not just squeezing new people out of you somehow (I still can't work out where they came out - I assume some kind of door? Nothing else I can think of seems realistic).
Anyway to add insult to injury Phoebe got given loads of presents today and she has literally done nothing. Some insane members of the wokarati might consider the mother an almost equal parent, but the kids themselves should be no part of this celebration at all. What are they getting presents for? Being born? Working out how to open the secret baby door? I bet it just opens automatically. Babies are really stupid and useless and would be in there for years unless it's got motion sensors or something of that nature.
If you want to give them a present for getting out into the actual world, then maybe they get one on the day. To be still giving them gifts eleven years later just seems sarcastic. And rude to the dads. The dads who do everything.
Anyway, as no one else seems to want to do it, let me just say, "Well done Rich for your eleven years of reasonably solid parenting. Both children are alive and in one piece, even if your efforts to keep them going have cost you one testicle and the loss of pigment in your hair. I'm going to buy you a present for all you've done, even if no one else will."
I wouldn't mind but if I bring this up to my family they all seem to resent me. Especially Catie. And she's not even a child so she doesn't really have any excuse for such self-centredness.
Here's to all the amazing dads out there. Every one of them deserving of annual gifts for their incredible work.
When will there be a Fathers' Day?
