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Another full day of filming, but another two toaster robot sketches completed. I had thought it would take six days to do all of these, but we’re going to get them done in 4 (including episode one) and we will hopefully get another sketch done on Friday too.
Today was a lot of me talking to myself though, as Rachel only makes a fleeting appearance in episode 4 and has one scene in episode 6 (we are shooting slightly out of order as episode 5 takes place in a restaurant). By the time we did that final scene of the day I was too tired to really remember my lines, but luckily Rachel did a fine job with the emotive ending and even bought a tear to my eye, which is not something you might expect at the end of six sketches about building a toaster robot sex machine.
Shamefully I had also written in a small part for my daughter, who along with my “wife” discovers me in the act with Gemma, the toaster robot. I was worried Phoebe might be scared of the (frankly horrifying) prop but she was fascinated both by what all the people were doing and the robot itself. She ran in to meet her and touch her and, as she is my daughter, went straight for the boobs (which are made out of metal funnels). I mean I don’t think she thought they were boobs, but they were the bits that interested her the most. Doubtless this will all come out with a therapist at some point in the future, but for now she was happy to take part and to have a pretend mum.
I don’t know why, when I have the power of the writer to make anything happen, I wrote myself an afternoon of rolling around on the floor and French kissing the speaker mouth of a robot made out of toasters. It suggests that that is what I want to do, doesn’t it? Otherwise I could have written a sketch about me being in bed with loads of naked women. But no there I was, simulating sex with a pile of toasters and finding out I quite enjoyed it. There was something quite satisfying about the way the toasters took my weight but slightly bounced with each thrust. As I am sure you are all aware. I mean who hasn’t pretended to have sex with a pile of toasters and then have a woman pretending to be your wife walk in, carrying your actual daughter? That has to be pretty much everyone’s main fantasy. I am just going to google it to find out if there is a forum.
There isn’t.
I will start one.
Again I am enjoying the seriousness with which the crew take this ridiculous job. Hopefully it will not be matched by the viewing audience. The days are long and hard and longer and harder for the crew because they are not filming in their own house and they have to today up afterwards. I had a fun evening getting quite drunk with my wife, brother-in-law and niece, whilst Gemma sat in a chair in the corner of the room. We discussed political issues and I argued that due to climate change and robots and computers taking people’s jobs that the human race is heading for some very difficult times regardless of Brexit and Trump. We all looked across at Gemma and realised it was true. Already that robot had taken the place of an actor. Though to be fair I don’t think there would be many actors who would complain that they had lost out on the opportunity to be dry-humped by a 49 year old man.
RHLSTP with Kerry Godliman is now up in all the usual places.
And the final RHLSTP recording of 2016 is next Monday. My guests will be Lucy Porter and Peter Serafinowicz - come along and support us if you can. Last chance before June 2017 and we might all be dead by then.
