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We didn't need your stupid car, Doc and Marty. We walked through time and got here anyway. We didn't need roads.
Yes, it was Back to the Future Day, at last and people were surprisingly excited about this if social media is anything to go by. But it was also my wife's birthday. So which was more important? Confusingly she is a massive fan of Back to the Future, so I didn't know which way to turn. We're all a bit under the weather and Phoebe had another bad night so I was pretty exhausted for most of the day, but we managed to get to the cinema in the morning to watch “The Martianâ€, a film mainly about potatoes and the ingenuity of some fictional people in attempting to get a modern day Robinson Crusoe back home. It was OK, but there wasn't really much jeopardy and it felt like the kind of film that would have been amazing if it was true, but as it wasn't true was just a case of writers managing to solve dangerous situations that they had created in imaginative but ultimately slightly dull ways. Like a kid making up a story as they went along. And now we can escape from the planet because of the rocket that's been left over there… For me the film would have been much better if they had rescued Matt Damon but then died in an unrelated accident on the way home.
I don't really understand why the Vue was putting this film on at 10am because the only people in the huge screen were my wife, my daughter, me and one other bloke who'd turned up at about 10.15 like we had. It's perfect for us as we could have a baby in the cinema and be very unlikely to upset anyone, so thanks to them for doing this. Phoebe slept through most of it, but seemed quite engaged with the film when she was awake. One day she may get to go to Mars and live out all my Total Recall fantasies.
By lunchtime we were flagging though and my cold was really kicking in and although we went home to attempt to watch the first two Back to the Future films I fell asleep during the first one, so never got to see if all the predictions of how we'd live our lives had come true. Because that's what the film was mainly about right?
I had a nap and a Lemsip and had just about enough energy to take my wife out for dinner in a fancy restaurant, marvelling at the fact that I have been with this woman for nearly eight years of my life. I owe her everything.
There is no way I can repay her, but I managed to get her some cool presents, including these fantastic dolls of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler from Saturday Night Live. In fact I think that that's so extraordinary (and I bought them months ago cos I knew they were perfect) that I may actually have repaid my wife now. In fact she owes me a bit. I am the best husband ever (if you ignore some of the negative aspects of my personality and habits and my rubbishness as a husband).
Phoebe signed the card that (spoiler alert Catie) I had bought for her. I just gave her a pen and held the card nearby and a bit of scribble was created. But this is the first thing that Phoebe has ever written so that's an exciting moment. Though to be honest it's not even legible and doesn't look anything like her actual name. My daughter is a fucking idiot.
Unless they leave the telling you you've got the part to the last minute too, then I am assuming my film career is on hold and my gig in Havant will go ahead as planned.
And my latest Metro column came out today, though the headlines were added to make it look like I was asking for Lord Sugar to be fired and didn't like the show, even though I say the exact opposite. You can read it here.
Up on audio imminently
