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Saturday 30th July 2016


It’s been all go this week and I finally found myself running out of energy as I prepared for the drive to Greenwich to take part in the lovely comedy festival they have there. I got to the car and realised I didn’t have my phone and then spent at least 20 minutes trying to find it in my house. I knew I had had it quite recently and looked in all the places I had been, but couldn’t see it. I tried to locate it with my Tile device that makes it ring (or I couldn’t hear it), but that wasn’t working. I tried ringing it, but it was on silent. I genuinely couldn’t understand how this was possible. I had dropped it on the way from the house to the car and someone had stolen it? Surely not. But it made no sense. The phone and literally vanished into thin air. Finally on the third sweep I found it on the floor by the sofa. Which I don’t remember going anywhere near. I am very old.

Or the phone had reappeared from its jaunt to an alternate universe. Or maybe it had gone back to 2015 which is where, thanks to my rubbish sync, where it believes it belongs.

I got to the festival with 15 minutes to spare, so my lost phone decrepitude didn’t have serious repercussions. It was, as always, a terrific gig in a huge marquee packed with people, who had Rob Delaney and David O’Doherty to come. Maybe all gigs should be in the afternoon. They preferred my rude stuff to my whimsical stuff. Correctly I think.

I didn’t hang around to see the rest of the bill. In a fortunate bit of synchronicity the lady who is making props for the AIOTM sketches that we are filming on Monday lives five minutes from where I was performing. So I went to pick those up. We had to try to work out how to get a 2 metre long cardboard Punch and Judy booth into the back of my car, but with some seats down and some bending we managed it. Good to be 49 and still travelling across town to pick up a huge childish prop and a puppet made to resemble myself. I hope it will be as much fun watching these sketches as it will be to make them. I had a first look at the sketch I did with Lou in the hot hotel room. It’s over 7 minutes long. It’s meant to be too long. But it might be too long. But the fun of not having to fit into TV schedules is that we can do long sketches if we wish. I suspect the episodes will be longer than 30 mins though!

The drive back through London was long and Hellish, but I got to listen to pretty much all of the coverage of the 1966 World Cup Final that Radio 2 were staging. Even though I did not exist 50 years ago, (not even as a sperm, though my egg was pretty close to the front of the queue), it was quite emotional to hear people talking about that day and hearing the highlights. There was ridiculously even an element of suspense. Surely having equalised at the last possible second Germany would go on to win in extra time? I don’t want to give any spoilers (apart from the Germany equalising one). I am pretty sure that England will wait until a year after I am dead to win a major tournament again. But I am cool with that. Football is ultimately silly. 

It was 3-2 to England when I finally got home. Sounds like the third goal was a bit controversial. No idea how it turned out in the end though. 

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