Many of you seem to have got into the spirit of the outcunt, suggesting pairs of people who might go head to head in a cunting contest and it makes me wonder if there is a TV show in it. Outcunted! In which every week members of the public compete to see who is the biggest cunt. I know we already have X Factor etc, but generally most of the real cunts get knocked out early. This would be a way for attention seeking, untalented Georgias and Jedwards to fight their way to a final where the least competent but most over confident person is crowned King Cunt.
And there could then be a celebrity version, which would of course include all the people who had appeared on the non-celebrity version, who will now be celebrities by dint of having appeared on Outcunted!
I could be the new Simon Cowell. Though maybe the twist of Outcunted! would be that it would be the only show like this where the panel of judges were not all cunts, but reasonable people, who perhaps just seem a bit overwhelmed and upset by the shameless exhibitionism of the contestants who are just desperate to be famous at whatever cost, for whatever reason.
You know you'd watch it.
I spent the morning reading out parts of my new book, "How Not To Grow Up" which will be up for sale on iTunes in May for those of you too lazy to read. I didn't do the whole thing, just three choice chunks and I was quite glad of that, as it was surprisingly tiring just getting through 50 pages. I enjoyed it though and it was fun to perform the stuff, which does add an extra element to the bits, even those of you who might have read it already. I kind of wished we had done the whole book, but before it was all signed and sealed off, because reading it all aloud was a great way to find the bits that were perhaps not quite as well written as the others. Not that there were loads of bits like that, but inevitably, occasionally I have reused the same word in a sentence, or the wording is a little sloppy. Generally though, I was quite impressed by the complexity of the writing, although that made some of it hard to read out, because the language was so intricate and complex. The hardest line to read was, "we’d be embroiled in an unwinnable world war" which I had about ten goes at and am not sure I ever quite got it right. Give it a go and see if you can do it. It's surprisingly harder than it looks, though having said that, I just did it perfectly when I tried it just now, so maybe it was just a problem under pressure after I had been speaking for two hours.
It's very exciting to be getting closer to the publishing date of this book. But you'll have to wait until May to read it (or listen to parts of it if you are lazy!).
In other exciting news the sleeve for the "The Headmaster's Son" DVD has been designed and it ready to go and the disc has been rated by the powers that be as a 15. Which after a couple of 18s in the last two years I am a bit disappointed with. Am I losing my edge? Good to know that the routine about Jesus wanking off paedophiles from behind a curtain is suitable viewing for 15 year olds.
It will take a couple of weeks now for the DVD to be available from
Go Faster Stripe, but I will be letting you know when you get it. And as usual we've gone a bit crazy with the extras, trying to make the double disc DVD as good value as possible.
Here's what's on there -
Collings and Herrin Video Podcast II
The Pupil's Father - Andrew Collings talks to my dad, TK Herring, who refutes some of my tales.
The Kings of Wessex - Andrew and me going round my old school, including an extra verse of "My Penis Can Sing" sung in the school hall.
Rich's Diary - me reading exclusive extra entries in my parent's garden
The Great Fire of London - an animation I voiced by Terry Saunders.
As It Occurs To Me - mini doc
Five music videos by Nathan Jay (three of these are hidden features
spread around the two discs.See if you can find them).
Preview Version of the show, from The Frog and Bucket.
Which should keep you busy for a little while.
