I try to respond to everyone who writes to me (at least for the first couple of times that they email - alas I can't become a penpal to strangers), unless they threaten me with death (which happens occasionally and I keep those emails in a special file to help the police in their investigations should anyone ever go ahead with their fiendish plans). So even if the email is abusive or tells me I am a cunt or that I have never been funny I try to send back a reasoned response.
It is especially effective to respond to abuse with politeness as as often as not I will receive an email of apology from the person concerned who might admit to having been drunk (and sometimes having forgotten sending the message at all) or in a dark place personally or just sorry that they were so rude. Sometimes they won't write back at all, but it doesn't matter as I have maintained my dignity.
It's still horrible getting criticised whether it's by aggrieved punters on
Chortle or by the comedy critic of the Daily Telegraph (I have written about how this made me feel in the new programme - it's just been printed and I will attempt to send out copies to all the sponsors during Edinburgh), the abuse will always sting for a second at least. Whilst in my heart I know that it's impossible to please everyone and that I would be quite upset if that actually happened, to rouse someone to such anger that they email you or post on a forum or slag you off in a paper is an unsettling thing to happen. Of course I do it myself to others in my act and on this web page, and once one has had the chance to reason through all these things it no longer hurts at all. Most of my criticism of other comedy in my work is intended to reflect badly on me. Though I hate Bo' Selecta and am a bit surprised that so many people enjoy Peter Kay's undemanding stand up, I think by me going on about them that it should be clear to most people that I am envious of their success and baffled by the fact that they get on TV whilst I can't.
Anyway when I got the email that's in yesterday's entry I felt those pangs of depression. I can't really blame him for being upset about the gig. My initial reaction on reading his email was to send him one back that just said "oh fuck off!"
But instead I tried to be reasonable and reply in a thoughtful way and address some of his points. Here's what I said,
"Sorry you didnÂ’t enjoy it. I was genuinely just trying to get a reaction out of you. Your opinions are much appreciated, but I disagree and donÂ’t think your suggested punchlines are any good. I donÂ’t even understand one of them to be honest.I will trust my own judgement and the opinion of the 95% of that audience and every other audience who have liked it.
ItÂ’s a more mainstream show than last year, but still inventive and challenging I believe.
I genuinely thought you would both crack under the banter and loosen up, but there we go. Sorry to have made your evening uncomfortable. No you donÂ’t leave football at half time because things change, but there was really no point in you both staying when you werenÂ’t enjoying it at all. If youÂ’d been the only two people laughing and everyone else had looked like you then I would have considered changing the show, but I am happy with it. Still some work to do. But I know what is good and fresh comedy and thereÂ’s plenty of that in this show.
Everyone else said you both had the same look on your faces for Watson so maybe youÂ’re not being entirely honest
You didn’t like it. Ah well. Don’t come again. I am genuinely glad you’ve taken then time to write and genuinely sorry if my “picking” on you upset you.But you could easily have deflected it.
In the Martin stuff itÂ’s implicit that he was once great, thatÂ’s why his choices now are so disappointing. Yeah, IÂ’ve never been as great as him or Morris, but doesnÂ’t mean I canÂ’t criticize. After all youÂ’ve never been as great as me and you still are able to. So you canÂ’t have a go at me for doing what youÂ’re doing now.
Anyway enough. I think I behaved a bit badly last night, but you did too.
I think this has been quite a reasoned response and I’d just like to add what I am thinking – fuck off
RKHerring"
See in the end I couldn't resist it. It's something I never usually do, though I often want to. And though I slightly regret not maintaining my dignity, in a way I just wonder whether the fuck off option isn't a better one. After all, although he was provoked, his email is very abusive. And I think most people would see that he damns himself somewhat, both through his incomprehensible jokes and his admission that he has not laughed at any of the Edinburgh previews.
After posting his email in my blog yesterday and worrying a bit that I had been unfair, I discovered he had posted his message in the guestbook himself. So he's happy for you all to see it.
And I have posted my reply, mainly because I wanted to show you how I had failed to control myself this time and I thought it was funny. Both funny to be that rude to him, but also funny because I come out of it badly.
And maybe he has won, because I have spent the day after one of the best stand up performances that I have done worrying about the two or three people who didn't like the show, rather than the hundred or so who did. Hopefully that's some crumb of comfort to Philip. No hard feelings mate.
Thanks for fucking off though.
