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Monday 7th April 2014

4152/17071

It's pretty hard to believe that two years have passed since the happiest day of my life, our wedding (obviously it's equal happiest with every day that has come since). And depending on whether you follow British or American convention we were meant to be celebrating with paper or cotton. Personally I am holding out for 2072 when I should be receiving a whole lot of diamonds. Though next year is leather wherever you come from, which seems a lot better than wood which you get for five years or even pottery which you have to wait 9 long years for (if you are American). Year 13 is lace, which is frankly so shit that you should get that for a fortnight of marriage and 14 is ivory, which seems to be suggesting that if you have stayed with one person that long then you have committed a crime against God and nature which must be commemorated by the murder of an elephant. The wedding reward system, like the magpie one before it, is all to cock. And how many years do you have to be married before you celebrate with cock? It's not on the list. Almost like whoever compiled it is trying to make some kind of point.

Anyway we didn't give each other any cotton or paper because we are not insane. But I took my wife out for dinner at the hotel where we had our wedding reception. I had prepared for the feast by going for a 7 mile run earlier in the day, finding it worryingly easy. And even though that meant I had more than a full day's worth of calories before we started I think I still managed to use them all up and more. But it was fun. We talked of our future and our past and checked that we were still happy and in love (turned out we were, which is a relief, but always worth checking). Even if things go awry, if two years have gone this quick I can't really see it's going to be a problem to do another 28 before being saved by the blessed release of death. I am very lucky to have found this woman, even if it took me a while (though there would have been some implications if I had found her twenty years before).

I put on my wedding suit for the occasion and was gratified to find that it was rather baggy. When I wore it four months ago in the first Meaning of Life, I got Youtube comments about whose job it was to squeeze me into the jacket. So to find room to spare gave me a bit of a kick. It also means that I have lost weight since our wedding, even if first I had somewhat piled it on for 20 months.

We got a bit blotto and watched Game of Thrones episode 1 (which is hard enough to keep up with when you're sober). It's apparently the most pirated TV show in the world, which is maybe why the episode started with that old anti-piracy ad with all the blacksmith in it. I think. I may have been drunk. But judging by the amount of nudity in it I think most of the actors must have been drunk when they did it.


We now have an expert for next Sunday's Meaning of Life, which is a big weight off my mind. Lance Workman will be joining me to discuss Good and Evil. Now all we need is a script and an audience. Presales are a bit down on previous shows so if you're in London on Sunday and fancy a two hour comedy show for just a tenner then book here.

And the Danny Baker RHLSTP is now up on video for subcribers. Join them here for just £15 for 12 shows (or £6 for the audio). There's a free clip here. And remember if you're one of the cool gang who have donated a pound or more a month you will get backstage access on your secret channel to even more chat with Mr Baker. Donate a pound (or more) a month) to join this select band of heroes.



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My new stand up show, Lord of the Dance Settee will be touring from October 2014 to May 2015 All details here.
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