Another Tuesday and another Metro column, my final as a single man,
all about my obsession with Amy Pond. I had thought about adding an extra line at the end saying, "knowing my luck the door would open and I'd be beckoned in by Adric," which I suspected Dr Who fans would enjoy. But in the end I decided that ending on a punchline that 80% of people would be confused by was a bad idea and also thought to the uninitiated it might look like a homophobic dig. But it wouldn't be the fact that Adric was a man that would make it a bad thing. It would be the fact that it was Adric. Still as the maths genius that he was me and him could have a good chat about mileometers and exponential progressions, so it might not all be bad.
I had anticipated that I might get a clout round the ear from my fiancee for the cheeky and silly piece, but in the end it upset a few Dr Who fans more (perhaps in their own obsession with the series and the characters in it, they failed to see that the joke was really on me and them, not the show) and unfortunately the Doctor himself was a bit hurt. Someone tweeted the link to Colin Baker who took umbrage at me name checking him in the context I had. Which was a shame as the piece was light-hearted and not meant to offend anyone (though some were affronted on Karen Gillan's behalf due to the "nightmare" crack, perhaps missing the fact that I was claiming to be prepared to give up my bride for her or that my own attitude in the piece, if taken literally, would suggest it was me who was the idiot here). It wasn't meant to be a nasty dig and certainly not at the man himself - more alluding to the production values of the series in the 80s as compared to now, every Doctor has had weaker episodes, unless you think every single adventure is of maximum entertainment value. There was also a tiny in-joke in there as the audio episode of Dr Who that I appeared on had Colin Baker as the Doctor. But as I told him, I am a fan (and we'd cast him in an episode of Time Gentlemen Please because of this fandom) and in many ways I prefer the Dr Who of my childhood to the current series (my first ever crush was on Jo from Dr Who when I was four). So I was sad to upset Baker, even if he was being a little bit sensitive on the issue. I was taking the piss, I admit, but lightly and much more out of myself than him.
I am sure the person who brought the article to the attention of Baker did so thinking that he would be amused and flattered to be mentioned, but unfortunately it just led to him being upset - which is probably worth considering on Twitter and in life - you don't have to inform people of jokes about them and it's worth considering the impact of doing so. But I am not trying to pass the buck here. I put this in a national newspaper so there was always the chance it would be seen by the people I mentioned. Though I was expecting a slap from my future wife (whether that's my fiancee or Amy Pond - fingers crossed for the latter) rather than Baker.
I did point out that if I was going for the cheap laugh I would have gone for Sylvester Mccoy anyway. Do not tweet him to tell him that!
I spent most of the rest of the day making a start on work for this year's Edinburgh show, "Talking Cock: The Second Coming." It was mostly the adminny stuff of setting up the justgiving page for donations to SCOPE and writing up questions for the updated questionnaire. But I re-read the old script which still holds up pretty well and had some thoughts about new stuff and was actually quite excited to be returning to this project. As a 44 year old who is about to get married, my relationship with my own porridge gun is somewhat different to when I was 34 and single and that might alter the focus a little bit. But it's going to be fun to have another crack at this show. Back in 2002 it felt like it was going to be a runaway smash, with an extensive tour and a book deal, talk of a TV version and a dozen European countries putting on their own versions of the show), but after an impressive build up, my Cock came to a slightly underwhelming and rapid conclusion. The book didn't sell too well (shops didn't want to display a book with the word cock on it in their windows and people were maybe embarrassed to ask for it) and the show itself did not go on to be a global smash (though it did well in France). I am hoping with a decade of recovery time the concept will be more solid this time round, unlike my own withering member.
Go Faster Stripe are republishing the book (as with Fist of Fun at some expense, but hopefully more people will want to buy it this time round, being able to do so over the anonymous internet) which should be available in a couple of months and I will let you know when the questionnaire is up so you can contribute to the show (anonymously, don't worry).
And if you want to get your name in the Talking Cock programme, which will be given out to around 50,000 people over the next year, then all you have to do is donate at least £15 to SCOPE via
my new justgiving page. You will also be posted a signed limited edition programme when they're ready (provided you email me your address). And as always, the more you donate the bigger your name will appear (and there'll be a prize for whoever gives the most). And all the money goes to a brilliant charity, so everyone wins.
If you have enjoyed this blog over the last year then I'd be very happy if you saw this £15 donation as a fair payment in return. Or if you'd like to celebrate my marriage with a gift, then I'd be delighted if you did so by donating to this page.
I am also looking for advertisers for the programme. The rates are very reasonable and available on request - email me at herring1967@googlemail.com. You can get a quarter page, half page or full page advert and again all the money goes to SCOPE. It'd be ace to get a big business to fund the whole thing this year, but equally I love putting in the quarter page ads for tiny businesses or people just wanting to play a joke on their friend. Do get in touch if you're interested.
And while we're in the mood for links, gofasterstripe has just taken delivery of another massive load of Fist of Fun series 1 DVDs and for Playstation owners, the slight issues with playing the discs on your system are now resolved - so
get that here if you haven't already. The good news is that we have already made good on our substantial investment and proven that there was a market for this show despite the BBC's reservations. The second series will be out later in the year and we're looking into getting TMWRNJ off the ground too. Thanks so much for supporting this risky venture and gofasterstripe, who will use your money to fund more financially dubious comedy projects. Whereas I will be using your money to help build my new kitchen.
