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My daughter and I went to the park today. We went loads of times last year and I realised today that I was always exhausted when we did. Thank God I was only looking after a child and not operating heavy machinery or something terrible could have happened.
I was only a bit tired today and the whole experience was thus totally different. Now that Phoebe is walking and quite insistent on walking everywhere you need a lot of patience to take her somewhere far away from the house. But I have tonnes of patience and love dawdling along with my wilful daughter. This is what life is about and the reward for the work and the days away. Hanging out with this tiny idiot who gets distracted by every pebble she sees and tries to walk on anything resembling a wall or step regardless of whether that’s actually possible.
We had a big battle about the fact that I insist she holds my hand when we’re near the road or sits in the pram. She doesn’t want to do either. But I managed to make her understand those were the two options and so she ended up in the pram on the way to the park and then as we headed home she reached up her hand to mine as we got close to the park exit. Such little things are victories, not for rules (as important and annoying as they are - it turns out your parents were actually just trying to do the best for you and keep you safe after all, you idiots) but for comprehension. I mean she got bored after ten minutes and wanted to go up every step she passed and wouldn’t hold my hand any more. But I got ten minutes out of her. And these little moments of simple affection - watching TV together on the sofa or walking along holding hands - are just the best things that have ever happened to me. They’re fleeting, even in the moment and soon she’ll be too big to want to do them at all. But man, what a blessing to be out and about with this tiny, self-centred creature who wants to throw herself into danger, whilst my brain conjures up ever more unlikely ways that she might be harmed.
We played in the sand pit and Phoebe quickly made some new friends. The process is fascinating. Usually beginning with some umbrage taken at the appropriation of a toy or a piece of sand. But quickly leading to suddenly it being fine to share the toy and coming up with a game together. Phoebe wanted to play with a boy’s digger. He was possessive of it. I told her she should ask to play with it and say please. She said please but the boy still hogged the toy, so she hit him. I told her that was wrong. But within ten seconds they’d all decided to share it anyway.
It’s just as lovely to sit at a distance watching her happily play with someone she has just met, having forgotten I am even around. She’s learning all the time and it’s fun to see her confidence on playground equipment that baffled her six months ago.
Tonight a rare trip to the Comedy Store to perform at the Standard Issue fundraiser for Rape Crisis. An extremely impressive bill with Sarah Millican, Sara Pascoe, Romesh Ranganathan, Katherine Ryan, Sally Anne Hayward, Zoe Lyons and Tom Allen. Sara Pascoe was doing new material that will doubtless go on to form the basis of her new Edinburgh show. I’d book now for that. It looks like it’s going to be very good indeed. I did old material, with one new bit that has emerged from the The Best tour and started to slightly worry that I might have run out of ideas and have nothing for this year’s show. And with dull-o blogs about how much I love my daughter, none of this shit is helping is it?
The Comedy Store is a great room for comedy and it was very enjoyable to be back on a stage that I have rarely played. And after so many solo dates it was cool to be sharing a dressing room with so many talented, successful and driven comedians.
