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We drove from Glasgow to York, stopping in Penrith for lunch. The ladies who ran the cafe we stopped in were very friendly and joked with us as we bagged up the Scope charity money from the last few gigs on the table. I wanted to pay for our bill with all the coppers as a joke, but they were too nice for that kind of prank. They gave me a bag so I could carry the coins over to the bank. It was fun being amongst kind and friendly people. I considered staying here and starting a new life with Giles, but we had to move on.
We were in the massive York Barbican tonight, but I was still happy as I’d sold over 300 tickets, which I think is about double the amount I sold when I last played my (essentially) birth town. They curtained off the back of the theatre and the central bit of the stalls was pretty full and it turned out to be a really good gig.
I had been in a bad mood beforehand though. When we’d arrived we’d been told that the venue charged £100 or 15% (whichever was most) for me to sell my own merch in the lobby. Most theatres make a charge for this which can vary between 10 and 25% and whilst I don’t mind making a contribution it does seem a bit churlish. I don’t take a cut of the bar and it seems a bit petty for someone to have to pick up what usually amounts to about £25 after you’ve sold loads of tickets. But big theatres are used to hosting bands and big theatre shows that might sell £1000s of pounds of merchandise a night. most of whom have huge mark ups on their products. I try to sell my stuff as cheaply as possible and so if a theatre takes more than 15% it’s not really worth me selling it and if they want a guarantee of £100 then I can’t take that chance. In all likelihood I would sell £200 worth of stuff, give the theatre half of that and be left having made a loss.
You’d think that in such a case the theatre might make an exception (someone told me that Mark Thomas set a table in the road outside). Because obviously if I don’t sell anything then they don’t make any money either. It’s another of the reasons I am quite glad to be playing the medium sized clubs because these have a human face and common sense decisions can be made by staff. The merch sales are a nice way to cover a few of the expenses of touring for me, but also to meet with the audience afterwards and give them a personalised item. So although the staff at the theatre were all very friendly people, this petty minded policy put me in a negative frame of mind, which might have affected the show. As the principles of business take over it’s easy to forget politeness and keeping people happy. A happy performer mean a better show means a happy audience means more drink sales and more return customers.
I was still able to do my charity collection (but I wouldn’t be surprised if in the next few years one of the bigger venues starts asking for a cut of that too) and sign programmes and do photos afterwards, but it also created a bit of a hole in the show, as I do a ten minute set of DVD highlights as I tell the audience what I have for sale. So tonight that was filled with me criticising Ian Barbican for his meanness (and then I did the sexcrement routine, which fitted in the show rather well). It added a bit of improvisation and frisson and the second half whipped along nicely (annoyingly my recording failed so it won’t feature in the podcast).
It’s lovely being in a bigger venue (and I had to make a joke about how I was exhausted having walked across the stage because it took so long to get to the middle) and so there are pros as well as cons, but I think I prefer the journeyman life of medium venues rather than the hard faced business of the big ones. Luckily for me I am unlikely to spend much time in places like this.
On top of this disappointment, I had planned to wear my suit for tonight’s show for the first time on this little run. But when I got to the car I found only the jacket hanging on the handle. Was it possible that for the second year running my trouser had fallen off the hanger (and possibly in Edinburgh again) and then slipped out of the car? It seemed unlikely, so I assume that Giles is stealing the trousers, probably to use in some perverse solo sex act. Either that or I didn’t bring them with me this time and they were on a separate hanger in my wardrobe. This mystery will never be solved.
The show is improving and changing all the time and the second half in particular is now much stronger and varied. After the show we were straight into the car to Newark, roughly halfway to tomorrow’s venue in Norwich. Catie and Phoebe are coming up to see me at that one, which is something to look forward to. These few days have passed quickly, but it’s still been tough to be away from my girls. Can’t wait to see them.
