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Thursday 6th March 2014


I love sub-editors. It's a tough job, especially when dealing with comedy. They're out to spot factual or grammatical errors, things often employed for comic effect in a humorous article. I got a last minute email from my editor about this week's Metro column in which I joke that Simon Rimmer must have been teased at school - you know, because he has the same name as the stupid hologram character from Red Dwarf. Obviously the second line is there to add a more innocent excuse/topper to the rather filthy joke I am really making. The sub editor had noted that Simon Rimmer was 50 and thus would not have been at school when Red Dwarf was on. Luckily, I think, they were aware that this wasn't actually very important, but they just wanted to check.  I liked the fact that I had wasted maybe half an hour of the time of two people with proper jokes over something so silly. Alas they had failed to spot that I had accidentally used the word compunction instead of compulsion, but when you spot a Rimmer-based error you can become blinded to all else.

We're All Going To Die! rolled into Nottingham tonight. Due to other chores I had left at a time which meant I could experience no hold-ups if I was going to be on time. There were hold ups. I arrived 2 minutes before the doors were due to open (though I had been given an erroneous time of 45 minutes later on my tour iteniary). I had to rush up and downstairs gathering stuff and quickly set up, but was assisted by another helpful and efficient crew. And we got the show up on time in spite of everything. I was perhaps a bit out of sorts at the start of the show and befuddled by all the rushing round. I think I started to repeat one bit early on, but managed to stop myself before I did the same section twice in a row. And the show continues to loosen up as I relax into the tour. I made myself laugh with some extraneous bit of business as I talk to whoever it is who is hiding behind my imaginary arras in the Hamlet bit. But there's a few bits where I am prolonging little conversations like this. It's not got to the lengths of the old people on the bonfire yet, but maybe by the end of the tour. I am enjoying not being rushed for time and being able, for example, to take my time a bit more with the Hamlet section, which is getting as good as I hoped it might be (it often worked in Edinburgh, but not always, and it's better now, even though not massively different in script terms) and the bits I've been working up for Meaning of Life have been going well too, so might stay in the actual show.

The other thing that has amused me on this tour is that no matter how much I brush myself down beforehand, some cat hair from Smithers somehow remains on my clothing and floats off me on stage. I see tiny bits of my cat drifting around me. The other day I had just had the car valeted and my suit dry-cleaned, but even so, somehow Smithers' fur still found its way on to my suit and then off it in the harsh glare of the spotlight. I am worried that Smithers might get discovered by a big show biz agent thanks to these nightly appearances. Even though he is sitting at home doing fuck all, apart from looking out of windows and attempting to jump into boxes, missing them and then pretending that nothing just happened. To be fair he is much funnier than I am. Good luck to him.

It was a long drive home, but I didn't feel tired until near the end. I am trying to do as much of the tour alone as possible to save money, but have booked Giles for Sunday now, just to give me a bit of a break (I need to be relatively fresh for the RHLSTPs the next day). It's hard to know how many calories driving and performing burn up, but I allowed myself a late night come down treat once I was home with an Innocent Smoothie with a nice slug of vodka in it. I call it an Guilty Smoothie. Or maybe it should be an Innocent Until Proven Guilty Smoothie. It was one of my five a day. Both in fruit and booze terms. I recommend it. But make sure you put in a bit more vodka than you think you should.

The new and confusing badge based subscription and donation thing is working out OK. It is now only going to take me and Chris Evans (not that one) a little bit over 200 years to make our first million from subscriptions and the one off donations have made a dent in our debt too. You can, if you wish now just make a donation, with no badge, so all the money goes to us and not the Post Office. And for people who make a one off donation of £12 or more or any amount by monthly subscription there is a secret channel now on where we will be putting up extra content as a thank you for your contribution. And there will be other freebies and prizes for these special idiots who are stumping up a bit of their hard-earned cash so that we can make more content. At this rate we're looking at a filmed episode of AIOTM maybe every six months now. So if you haven't joined the bandwagon yet, now's the time.

The Jenny Eclair RHLSTP is now up on free audio for those who can't pay or won't pay at the British Comedy Guide and on iTunes.

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