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The whole family is still down with the lurgy, but this wasn’t such a bad thing as it forced us into having a low key day in the house where we didn’t even attempt to do anything constructive. We all lounged around in bed til about 10am, watching was is now a continuous and seemingly never ending loop of Paw Patrol. I managed to sneak some Go Jetters in later in the day and it felt like I had been released from an insane asylum. I had become so hooked into the Paw Patrol world that I am no longer afraid to take stupid risks in the belief that some multi-skilled talking dogs, armed/pawed with the latest technology will turn up in an array of vehicles with their child master and save me.
I always thought repetition was amusing. But actually it’s the key to destroying what little sanity remains.
I mean why did the Paw Patrol need to find a three part treasure map to discover a pirate ship that was moored on an island just ever so slightly off shore with a road leading to it? Had no one spotted that before?
Everyone in Paw Patrol is a fucking dick. Apart from Everest who will be my second wife. Or failing that a dog that I own and then who licks my balls when the family are out. So like every dog right?
See I have lost my mind.
There was a bit of a farty smell in the lounge this afternoon. We asked Phoebe if she might be responsible and she looked a bit shifty and said that it had been Smithers (our cat). She’s definitely my daughter. At the age of 5 I blamed my shit-filled pants on a made-up naughty dog. Phoebe isn’t even three yet and she’s managed to come up with the idea of blaming a real animal. We weren’t totally convinced, but the vociferous way she shook her head when we quizzed her and then blamed everyone else in turn that finally brought us round.
It’s never-ending fun to see the development of a human personality. Learning to lie is a very important part of being a person and it isn’t too much of a threat when someone is so bad at it, but it’s dazzling to witness the speed that she is learning to communicate and comprehend. And her self-confidence. I had assumed there would de a period of several years where she would respect me and listen in awe as I taught her how to do stuff. But I didn’t get five minutes. She is insistent on doing everything herself, even when it’s beyond her and it’s interesting that occasionally she does work out something complexly herself. She’s already better at drawing than me, which is admittedly a low bar, but her sudden ability to draw a pretty decent circle or a border around something she’s scribbled or to hold two pens and use the simultaneously to mirror each other and create a fairly symmetrical blob has left me thinking (as all parents do- but in my case I am correct) that she is an artistic genius. In my eyes I can’t tell the difference between her stuff and the work of Joan Miro, so I am going to keep every scrap so I can sell this stuff when everyone else acknowledges her genius. Can anyone honestly look at these drawings and tell me that they are not amazing? No,you can’t Shut up. You’re just jealous cos your kids can’t draw like this.
I am unsure when she will find the time as she’s also an expert dancer, sportswoman, architect, scientist, archaeologist and dinosaur expert. And comedian and story teller. But she’ll work it out. She’s that amazing. And also she can get a job where she does a fart and then convinces people it wasn’t her.
