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Say what you like, but we've totally outmanoeuvred IS in their attempts to destroy Western Civilisation.
Now I know what it feels like to be some dish water swirling down a plug hole. The ride is kind of exhilarating and fun, but what happens when we get to the bottom?
And to make things worse this morning as I went to kiss my daughter she held up her palm to stop me doing so and scratched my eye-ball with her tiny impossibly sharp finger nail. This is definitely the worst thing about having children. I thought it would be the poo and vomit, but I find that quite funny. The eyeball scratching I could never have foreseen, but it hurts like fuck and for ages and it's awful. Did I detect a look of apology on her face? I think she was confused as to why I was yelping and a part of wondering whether it was her fault. But love being what it is - a one-sided trap to give parasites succour - I apologised to her for making her feel worried.
But I could have done without this what with everything else that is going on.
The show must go on, until the newly installed fascist government of England lines up all comedians and satirists against a wall and shoots them (except the ones who managed to jump over the barbed wire at the border on their motorbikes and got to independent Scotland). And it was RHLSTP tonight with Vic Reeves and Susie Dent. The show had long sold out, but several idiots decided to give up their tickets or not turn up in order to watch the football! Ha, what a bad decision. But things are going so badly at the moment that that just felt like an inevitability. As I went home on the tube the mood of the football fans was not anger, just weary resignation. I heard some men saying they were just going to support the England rugby team from now on. It sounded like they meant it. Our spirit is crushed. If the Queen dies this week then someone is going to have to scrape the country off the floor. Can we just shut the place down and move somewhere else?
I found it hard to build up the necessary energy for the show. I am exhausted by the news and lack of sleep and wasn’t sure that adrenaline could lift me this time. I don’t think I did the best job ever of getting over it, but still had two interesting and funny chats. I had wondered if Vic Reeves might go a bit Tony Law (not that that’s a bad thing) but it was a proper conversation and Vic/Jim seemed very happy to be here. We chatted about his favourite museums, why he is a magnet for serial killers and learned a lot about his family history. There’s some serious chat about art and comedy and some stupid stuff about frozen vegetables and penis transplants, so something for everyone. Susie Dent was as you’d expect charming and polite. It was a bit of a change of pace, but I am very happy to chat lexicography and daytime quiz shows as you may know. And I tried to persuade her to put cumpkin in the dictionary. Forgetting that she isn’t in charge of what goes into the dictionary. But she could write it in by hand.
Very tired by the end of it all though. I couldn’t even be properly disappointed by Iceland beating England. I was actually pleased for Iceland. They looked like they deserved it. Plus they fought against the cod in the Cod War, whereas we allied with the cod. It’s disgusting that we turned against the humans in support of the fish. England doesn’t deserve anything nice to happen to it any more. Which is lucky because it’s clearly going to get a lot worse before it gets better. And I am not convinced about the getting better part.
What will the country be like when these podcast go out in July and August? it doesn’t bear thinking about.
But the terrifying swirling vacuum in politics right now and Labour being in no place to provide an effective opposition and the Liberals having the impact of weedy ghosts makes me fear for what another vote might bring. By all accounts racists and right wingers are coming out of the shadows and anything could fill the hole at the centre of our government. When I studied 1930s Germany I wondered how ordinary people had let Hitler’s rise happen and why it wasn’t stopped. But now we’re in our own little whirlpool of discontent and political weakness and self-serving idiots you can see how it could happen. Not saying it’s going to, but the economic weakness that is bound to be with us for a little while at least, is not going to help. And I can’t see any of these politicians uniting their parties, let alone satisfying enough of the people to dissipate this situation.
It’s a proper shit storm. And forecasts are the shit is going to be raining down for quite some time now. Britain might turn into a scatological version of Pompeii.
