The days off when I am away from home are definitely the worst thing about touring. At least when there is a gig to get to the time is taken up with travelling and getting set up and there is no time to think or brood or get homesick. I had hoped to get some work done today in Glasgow, but I was not in anywhere near the right frame of mind. Things were made worse by me waking up at 6am, so I was tired all day, but didn't seem capable of getting back to sleep.
The difference between the highs of performing and the lows and mundanity that comes when you're off stage will be familiar to most performers. Nowadays I cope fairly well with the solitude, but today I felt pretty miserable. No wonder so many comedians try to artificially create the highs with drugs or sex or booze. Hotel rooms are depressing places at times and I could understand the course of action taken by Hancock and Manford when faced with this kind of situation. Luckily there are more than those two options (although some performers have managed to combine the two - Hutchence for example). Doing a Hancock or a Manford could become a comedian's mantra. Though to be fair to the latter (whose crime was quite innocent compared to how some married comedians behave on tour) maybe a Hancock or a Hand Cock would be a better title. Or you can destroy yourself accidentally like Belushi.
My own solution was less rock n roll and sleazy, but maybe equally depressing. When I get like this in the spring time I go and buy myself an unnecessary piece of electronic equipment and an Easter egg. Which barely helped but at least got me out of the room. Self-destruction is all well and good, but it's a short-sighted solution. I then ate a small pizza and chips sitting in my car outside the hotel which was enough self abuse for me. I have managed to avoid such unhealthiness on the whole and maybe heroins would be a better option for me, at least if I want to fit into my wedding suit in two weeks.
Luckily I was doing a 20 minute set at the Stand tonight, so got out of the room and met some people and got to perform so got that rush of endorphins to chase away the self-indulgent sadness. Fight self-indulgence with self-indulgence.
I felt better by the end of the day, but realised how much lack of sleep had contributed to my mood and hoped that I'd managed a bit of a lie in tomorrow. It's the last tough bit of tour driving coming up - heading to Aberdeen tomorrow, then Liverpool on Sunday and home on Monday. I realised today that this weekend drive will be made just a touch tougher as the clocks are going forward on Saturday night. But my life will be a bit less stressful from Tuesday onwards and I can get down to enjoying my last dozen days of being a fancy-free bachelor. Oh yeah I am going to enjoy the fuck out of sitting in Caffe Nero reading the newspaper.
