Felt punch drunk after my show in Glasgow tonight, my legs were heavy and I had to get a cab back to my hotel. It's that stage of the tour where everything starts to take its toll. I had made some unforced errors early in the show and been a bit thrown by the off stage mic not working when I introduced myself. I also forgot what came next at one point, which hasn't happened for ages. But the crowd lifted me and I gave the show the most energy I've managed for a while. I guess that's partly why I was tired.
I had woken up early this morning, feeling hungover even though I only had one pint and a whisky, but I suspect it was a hangover from the driving I've done this week rather than the booze. The morning whizzed by with me getting very little achieved, but then I went out for lunch with the brilliant
Professor Richard Wiseman (if you haven't read his books, then get on it - they're great) who was interviewing me about comedy for Psychology magazine. Or so he claimed. I have a feeling that he might have just heard the snooker podcasts and been checking I was OK. But either way I got a free lunch out of it and that's all I care about. I will work for food. Or at least talk about myself at length for food. Often not even for food. Just attention is enough for me. Even if no one is paying attention and I am on my own in a basement I will still give it a go. Just shouting into the void in the hope that in the infinity of time this will somehow give evidence that I once existed.
I also did a lot of walking today - I had to go and get my car, which I'd parked a mile or so away from the Stand to avoid Edinburgh parking charges. I have never seen a town with more traffic wardens, hunting in packs with seemingly two or three on every street. You'd think that in a hawks and doves sense having this many traffic wardens would make no financial sense. If you're aware that you'll definitely get caught parking illegally then you will never risk doing so. Surely most of the revenue taken is as a result of people taking the gamble that a traffic warden won't be around in the next 15 minutes. Or perhaps that pays off because everyone buys a ticket, thus paying for this blanket coverage. I was pleased to have been given a tip on Twitter that found me a free space much closer to town than the one I have used for the last few years at the Fringe, but it was still a longish walk and I was a bit concerned that I wasn't going to get to Glasgow in time.
But in the end I got there in good time and was very well looked after indeed. I wonder how much my griping on here has affected my reception - I suspect it hasn't made any difference. But the staff helped me in with my stuff and told me I could leave my car at the venue for the next two nights. This saved me more parking money (which is my ultimate goal on this tour - even if I have to waste hours walking to and from my car), but meant that I decided to walk to the hotel and back before the show and it was another good walk away. All good exercise, but possibly contributory to my later sudden exhaustion.
The manager of the venue came to say hello before the show. It wasn't even eight o clock, but he was by his own admission roaring drunk. I wondered if this was a bad sign. If the man in charge was crapuloulsy barracking me in the dressing room what would the audience be like? As it turned out they were very attentive and well-behaved and forgiving of my early weary shakiness, if they noticed it.
I am actually quite amazed about how smooth sailing this tour has been, which you might not have noticed from my moaning and bitching. But it's gone by quite quickly and with minimal depression and tiredness, mainly thanks to having had some days off and returning home at least every five or six days. I have done well over fifty gigs now and only have 17 to go and these are luxuriously spread out over the next two months. I have a killer drive (hopefully not literally) from Aberdeen to Liverpool and a toughish one home after that, but then I will be on the home straight. And also be perilously close to being a married man. Something I haven't really had a chance to think about either.
I keep myself amused and distracted by spending most of my time thinking about how to get free parking and checking out significant numbers on my car mileometer. A man called Ted Tofield emailed me to say, "Don't forget to reset the mileage trip at 122667 miles so that when you get to the magic 123456 miles it'll read 123456 miles and the trip will read 789. Much more nerd kudos...."
My readers know me so well. I will do my best to do so, but it would be so much more nerdily satisfying if I had to reset the mileage at 120767 as that is my birthday. But that's another meaningless landmark that I missed out on spotting, as I try to give order to my life by giving false significance to numbers based on them having a satisfying or seemingly coincidental order.
It reminded me of the time at school when we were given out French text books which all had a number written inside them (so that if one went missing the teacher would know who was responsible) and mine was number 100. I was pleased as punch about this and bragged to my classmates that my text book was exactly number 100. Another cooler kid (whose name has totally escaped me now, which is annoying as I can visualise his face and remember him well as being one of the tough kids, but who was also unusually for that gang in the top sets at school) said, "So what, I've got book 57." But I was insistent that my book was more special for being the 100th one. And he was insistent that it wasn't and that it made no difference. He was right of course. But he would only find joy in the world through doing cool things like having sex with girls and fighting on a Friday night, whereas I would have a life full of joy whenever a mileometer or a calendar or a car number plate fit into some pattern that my brain found satisfying. Who would you rather be? Cool old whatsisname or nerdy Richard Herring for whom the whole world is a mathematical pleasuredome?
You know which one you are.
And another big name added to the Leicester Sq Podcast dates. Stewart Lee will be my guest on June 18th - it's a Lee and Herring reunion for just £12.50.
Book now as this will sell out, but don't worry if you can't make it as the audio will go up online for free. The Tim Minchin show on 7th May has sold over half the tickets in the day its been on sale, so don't hang about. I will be getting other big names for the remaining dates, so beat the rush and buy now. I have insisted on these tickets staying as cheap as possible, even though we could clearly charge more, so your support would be appreciated.
Also it's the Lyric Hammersmith gig on Sunday. I won't be there as I am in Liverpool, but Stephen Grant is hosting and Sean Hughes, Josh Widdecombe, Ava Vidal and Katherine Ryan will be strutting their stuff. If you quote "March" then you can get tickets for a tenner. Alas in recent months sales have really dropped off for this show, I don't understand why, as it's always been an amazing gig, so next month's show on April 29th will be the last one (that I am putting together anyway). So if you've enjoyed these nights it would be great if you could send them off with a bang and come along. You can get tickets
here.
