It's difficult to ascertain if this tour will be as successful (in terms of bums on seats) as the last two or three have been. I have generally been edging gradually upwards with ticket sales over the last few years, especially in towns that I've been to before. On the whole this year's sales have been holding steady: a few of my banker venues have not been as packed out as usual, but a couple of places have done better than expected. Tonight my Worcester audience was much smaller than usual. I've comfortably had a couple of hundred people in for the last two years, but tonight it was around about half that number. It's hard to know if this is down to the recession or there being something else on nearby or it being the wrong day of the week. It's slightly worrying, as much for the venue as for me, but although I was a little bit deflated, my spirits were quickly lifted as the 100 people I had in were very much up for the show and were guffawing from the off. It's quantity not quality. No it's quality not quantity. That's right.
I think sales are strong enough to make this whole exhausting exercise financially worthwhile, but obviously it would be more reassuring to be selling a few more tickets rather than the same or less. Luckily you, my fans, like to keep me as your own little secret and refuse to spread the word. I appreciate that we have something special here and it'd be a shame to spoil it. The coming gigs are a rollercoaster of confusing information regarding sales with Salford and Glasgow selling very well and Durham and Edinburgh being a little disappointing (so far). Wolverhampton on Friday remains reassuringly unchanged from any other year. I have gone back on every tour and pretty much failed to increase my audience despite having fun gigs there with a very supportive management. I would be happy enough to remain at this touring level forever. It'd be nice to get to the point where 400 people wanted to see me everywhere I went. It'd be a shame if demand lessens though. But I am enjoying the ride and still very grateful that anyone wants to pay to see me at all.
I had used my time before the gig productively, recording the
6th Talking Cock podcast backstage. I had intended to do it in the dressing room, but there was a strange electrical hum coming from somewhere nearby so instead I headed into a broom cupboard. I think that it's probably the only time anyone has done a podcast from this particular location, but let me know if I am wrong.
We drove home through the snow and I was slightly concerned by the amount of driving we have to do this weekend and the fact that adverse conditions are expected pretty much exactly where we're heading. But we'll pack a blanket or two and hope for the best. Luckily I have selected a tour manager with a bit of meat on him, which will be useful for warmth initially and then if it comes down to it and we're stuck in a snow drift for long enough I will be able to eat him. But I think he might be thinking the same thing. Would it be unprofessional for a tour manager to eat his act? I am not sure he'd work again. "Weren't you the guy who ate the comedian you were meant to be looking after? Um... we'll let you know."
At least I'd get a nickname for him at last - The Cannibal.
Have a feeling it's going to be an interesting long weekend of bringing comedy to the north of England and Scotland. Please fight through the blizzards to see me.
