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During first lockdown I had been to the supermarket for a big shop. I was trying to keep supermarket visits to a minimum in order to limit the opportunities to go down with Covid, so I did have a lot of stuff. And it was at a time when people were worried about hoarders and the checkout lady had been a bit passive aggressive with me, but then said something about us having loads of kids and thus it being acceptable to have so much stuff. I didn't know if she was taking the piss and knew we only had two. We only had a trolley full. It wasn't much different to a regular shop. I
wrote about it at the time.
Anyway, whenever I've seen her since she continues to make comments about my huge family and I still don't know if she's still trolley shaming me for having more Soleros than she thinks my family deserved or if she has got me mixed up with someone else. It's sort of too late to tell her that I only have two children. And there's the danger, if I do, that she'll just say, "Yes, I know. I am sarcastically mocking your greed you fucking prick."
Today she wasn't even doing my stuff, just waiting to relieve the guy who was at the check out so he could go for lunch. But she got involved anyway, moving one of my bags in my trolley because she thought I'd put it in the wrong place and then asking me if I was home schooling and then when I said I was sympathising with me for how difficult that must be. Presumably because I have 100 children. This might have been the point to say, actually I only have one child to home school, though it's a bit tricky to keep the little one occupied so he doesn't interrupt. But the lie, that isn't even my own lie, has gone on too long and I just had to agree that it was hard to keep my Brady Bunch mixed with the Osmonds family educated.
Today I only had one of the small trolleys as we have become fairly good at getting most things we need elsewhere and it really wasn't shopping for a family of a dozen people (and even so should ensure we don't need to go to the supermarket again for six weeks - I think this was the first visit of 2021 as it was). But still she thinks I have a million kids.
When things are back to normal I am either going to have to hire some actors to play my other kids or tell her all but two of my kids fell off a cliff. There's no other way out of it now.
RHLSTP with the comedy genius Nina Conti is now up
on audio 
