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It was rather lovely watching this again - not for the pottery or the competition but to be reminded of how intensely emotional things got amongst the potters and how Fatiha and me really connected.
I had not met Fatiha before this, though had seen her on TV and thought she was very funny but might be a bit intimidating or that her faith and my atheism might put us at odds. Of course I couldn't have been more wrong. We are both comics and thus very likely to understand one another.
I knew she was recovering from an operation of some kind and I think I would have had empathy about that regardless of the things I have been through, but it did connect us further. We were also about to go through a gruelling and potentially humiliating experience together and we both needed support (and Fatiha also needed someone to lift her bags of clay for her).
She is a remarkable person and even though she was not fully recovered she didn't complain, but having heard of my experience with cancer she did confide with me about hers and then a couple of weeks in, most of the potters had dinner together and watched Leyton doing his stuff on Strictly on the telly and we all opened up about various struggles in our lives (damn if only I'd known I had incurable cancer at the point I really could have won that conversation).
The schedule for the Throwdown was unrelenting and the days were long and we generally either got back to the hotel at about 7pm and then had to get up again to leave at 6am, or we got trains back home for a couple of days. So we were quite an unlikely gang of pals, but it's interesting how sharing an experience does bring you closer to people.
After talking to us all about her cancer, which she had not made public or really talked about, she decided to use it as the inspiration for her final pottery build. We had to do an insane amount of work for that final and Fatiha did not manage to get everything made. I think if she had she might well have won it, as her floral ovary trifle bowl was incredible. And her story for that final show is incredible and I think the thing that most people will remember.
I went into this show, largely happy I was getting a month's paid work and assuming I would come 6th an get the final week off (the two people lost in the semi-finals still got paid the same as everyone else, so in some ways it did feel like they were the real winners, especially as we had to boulder straight into the final build the day after the semi-final. Obviously having been Potter of the Week three times out of four so far I realised there was a chance I could win. But the scoreboard was back to zero (I love the shot they used of me pretending to be surprised and annoyed by this - even though I knew really) and in truth every week had been extremely close and it seemed clear to me from the start that Layton was the most adept and artistic, so I was still pretty certain he'd win.
Also I suspect the whole show was an elaborate prank on me where they'd all pretend I was good at pottery for four weeks, so I'd think I might be in with a chance of winning, before letting me know that I was obviously rubbish and give the prize to Layton who could actually do it.
I put everything into it, nonetheless and tried to make my stuff as detailed and busy as possible. I did the best I had ever done in the challenge with a second place, so there was all to play for and just got on with creating a representation of the year I had cancer (and won Taskmaster C of C and ran a half marathon and got a book deal). It was my usual chaotic, messy, colourful mismash, with some bits working better than others. The gnomes are my favourite, but the testicular cancer trifle bowl does feel like a weird work of art you might see in some fucked up Saatchi Collection.
I hope it will turn out to be some weird family heirloom, but suspect it will end up in a garage or garden shed being used to store oily screws. Which I'd be OK with too.
The thing about this show is that you all end up walking away with prizes - all the stuff you've made.
And the real trophy was the friends you've made along the way.
Oh no wait, I'm wrong. The real trophy was the thing that Rich and Keith made and decided to give to Layton instead of me.
I was sad not to win, of course. The family had come up and I'd hoped my kids would get to see me being a winner, mainly because Phoebe had continually slagged off all the pictures I'd sent her of my stuff.
Rich told me afterwards that it had been incredibly close and it all came down to the quality of Layton's makes and I told him that they'd made the right decision. Which they had.
They're judging on more than the story or the way something looks to the casual eye. And I know they stick rigorously to that. It'd have been easy for them to spread Potter of the Week out amongst us all, but they went for the potter they thought had done the best job every time. So I can't complain if this time it wasn't me.
(Though obviously if you take points across the whole series I am the best!)
Everyone says I should keep up the pottery, but I won't. I am trying to find time to do a bit of art. And what I have achieved has been a genuine revelation to me. And I am almost as pleased for Layton as I would have been for myself. He worked so hard for it and check out his beautiful drawing skills versus my childish cartoons. He must have been so confused when I kept winning. Ultimately though the prize was always his.
It was tough living through this month (at times) but it's been utterly delightful to relive it and Fatiha saying how much my support and friendship meant to her at that particularly difficult time for her genuinely means so much to me.
I don't like to acknowledge the rare occasions when I am a decent human being, but I am more proud of that than anything.
I think having now done my testicular cancer journey through the medium of blog, stand-up, book, podcast, puppet and clay that I can now shut the fuck up about that (obviously I still won't)
