I am at Phuket airport with three hours to kill before my flight, so thought I might as well round off the Thailand experience from here. Should at least help prevent me from going off and spending all my many remaining bahts on Toblerones.
It was a little sad to be packing up and leaving my island home. It feels like I have been here for much longer than I have, but I managed to get 45 minutes in my favourite hammock before I finally had to check out. And I had time to make a start on the only completely unread book that I had brought with me - finished all the others, but left on half way through, though may return to it at home - and currently about half way into Dave Eggers' "You Shall Know Our Velocity" which is kicking along nicely, even though I tried to read it at home a few months ago and didn't get into it. I might even finish it on the plane, unless I get drunk and sleep, which might be a better plan.
I had drunk a bit more than I meant to last night, which had the knock-on effect of meaning a slight return for my illness and as I got on to the ferry with a three hour trip ahead of me, I was a little tetchy. But the book was good and there was a lot more to see than on the way here (good weather for the return at least) and the crew brought round little cakes and bits of pineapple on sticks and I thought I might as well have one more beer as I was still on holiday, so the time passed surprisingly quickly and my headache had gone.
It was a bit of a scrum at the port as two boats were coming in at once and it took me a while to find the cab that would take me to the airport. It was driven by the same fellow who picked me up all those months ago (OK so it was only about 11 days), but this time he did not stop off to pick up any masseuses. Which was a shame. I could have done with a massage now, especially with so much time to kill.
There is an election coming up in Thailand (as there was last time I was here, though the fella who won that won Thaksin Sinawatra - off the top of my head- has been deposed of course) and it's fun looking at all the election posters, especially when you have no idea who any of the people are. Some posters are just for one candidate, others have the whole team on. I think democracy might work better if people who didn't know anything about your country or language had to come in and vote in your government based on posters alone. I would go for the lot in the yellow jackets who look like some kind of 1950s crooners tribute act. Having said that I would almost certainly have picked Sinawatra last time, so maybe I am not the best judge (though I suppose nor were the Thai people).
The other thing I like about Thailand (and there has been none of this on Phi Phi as there are no roads) is that the traffic lights have a countdown on them, so you know how long you will have to wait if it's on red, or how long you have got to get through if it is on green. This is an excellent idea. I hope we institute it in the UK. It turns every junction into a gameshow.
I got through customs and passport control no problem and now just have to wait for plane one to take me to Bangkok and then it's a quick hop over to plane two which will get me into Heathrow at about 7am your time (if you are in the UK - I'm not going to work it out for the rest of you). I note a little criticism of me both in my guestbook and on the New Statesman site (where I have filed my Cornetto story - getting work done even whilst I holiday) about taking a long haul flight and thus damaging the environment. Apparently this gives me no right to ever comment on environmental issues again - though if that is the criterion then very few people will be allowed to speak, including Al Gore who I believe may still occasionally fly. I don't think it is realistic or indeed prudent to ban long haul flights altogether and as long as we have some awareness of our carbon footprint and all make some kind of effort to reduce it, then I think that's the main thing in the short term. I don't see why people who use planes should be the public enemy number one, when people who run factories or own cars or who fart are doing just as much damage. But I was wondering whether by having eleven days pretty much doing nothing but sitting on a desert island, have I not reduced my emissions (not those ones, although I have been less flatulent, despite the spicy food) by enough to warrant the flight. If we ignore the Cornettos that I have eaten, which I don't think were made on the island and were doubtless thrown in in special refrigerated planes at huge expense to the planet. But I have used very little electricity and eaten mainly local dishes and not driven anywhere or caused any kind of pollution. So does that make up for the flights? I don't know. Just a thought. I am not allowed to comment on the environment any more anyway, so better shut up.
So nearly an hour nearer to plane time and I feel I should make some kind of poignant comment to end on like "I feel my life is now truly ready to begin" in case I die in a plane crash (oh how the anti-planeists would enjoy that, though a crashed plane surely is much worse for the environment, especially the bit it falls on), so that my last words on this blog will be filled with dramatic irony and people will read them and be sadder than if I'd said "I don't care if I die anyway, I am bored of life" (which is closer to the truth) and then maybe this thing will finally become popular. Of course now having explained all that if the plane does crash it will be equally poignant. The only danger is that I get home safely and look like a dick as usual. I have been predicting my death in a holiday related accident on every single break since the age of 5. I have to get it right some time, surely. Knowing my luck I will be back here on the 10th telling you about my exciting jet lag. I hope so. I feel after this holiday that my life is just beginning.
