A much needed visit to the gym today. My weight is still creeping upwards, but I am determined to try and get back to my pre-cracked rib level of fitness. Most of this work might have to come as a New Year's Resolution, but let's not let things get any worse at least!
Virgin Gyms, not content with the huge monthly fee they extract from their members are always looking for ways to extort further funds for Richard Branston's pickle-filled coffers. Although you can leave your stuff in a big locker for free, there is also the option of renting a small locker to keep things at the gym all the time. Anything left overnight in a big locker will be chucked away, but you could keep a limited amount of stuff in the smaller one and Richard Branston won't touch it. It's better than a safety deposit box, because any criminal is going to assume that it merely contains your dirty, stinky trainers. If I had some gold dubloons or paintings looted by the Nazis I would store them in there. Neither thief nor rightful owner would be looking in the Virgin gym.
In an attempt to persuade more gullible idiots to pay more money to the pickle-smeared billionaire, the gym has put little adverts on the small lockers. They say:
"Rent Me
Tired of carrying your gym kit?
This private locker is available to rent for a 6 to 12 month period."
"Tired of carrying your gym kit"?
Is that really the best thing to say. Because if you go to the gym, and yet get tired just carrying your kit to the gym, then it would suggest that you are not going to the gym enough. Certainly not enough to justify paying extra money for your own personal locker.
Realistically the only bit of kit that you can really leave at the gym are your training shoes. If you leave any other bit of used kit there it is going to stink pretty badly next time you come in. So are there really any regular gym users who are too weak to carry their shoes to the gym with them? If it's really that bad then they could always just wear the training shoes all day and thus carry them on their feet.
Surely Virgin in any case should be promoting the gym as a place that will get your fit and full of energy, so that carrying some shoes to get there will not really make you tired. Or even aggravated. You'll be so fit and muscly that you won't even notice. They might as well put "Too lazy to carry some light clothes around in a bag? Then the gym probably isn't for you."
They'd be better off having an advert saying,"Got some Nazi loot that you don't want the police or cat thieves to find? They'll never think of looking in your private locker. Especially if you put an old pair of dirty pants at the front."
Whatever they do they need to change that advert. Or Richard Branston won't have enough money for his annual Christmas pickle bath.
And in other news, someone has put up an illegally filmed video of the recent Lee and Herring routine at the Lyric Hammersmith on Youtube.
Part one is here, and the others are easy to find from there. I believe there will be another one going up soon, filmed from the front row. Maybe you'd like to put together your own video cutting between the two different perspectives. Remember just by watching this you are BREAKING THE LAW. The only way to make up for it is to buy Stew and mine's proper merchandise from
Go Faster Stripe. I am delighted to say that despite my father's predictions of woe that 200 copies of the book have been sold in the first couple of days. So don't leave it too long, because I don't think we'll be printing up any more once all these have gone.
