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Wandering or lightly jogging around the city over the last few days I started wondering whether, if my life depended on it, I could locate every property that I have stayed in during my 28 Fringes (30 if you include the ones I didn't perform at).
I have quickly ascertained that I could not. My life would be over. I know I was at the Masonic Temple on Johnstone Terrace for 1987 and 1988 (there was a Tardis in the basement, though we couldn't get it to work) and I reckon I could locate the flat I stayed in in Dundas Street for a couple of years in the 90s (because there was a unicorn head - not a real one- on the railings by the steps up). I reckon I could locate last year's flat and I know I stayed in Simpsons Loan a couple of times, but would never be able to tell you which building, let alone which identikit flat.
But I would struggle to even find the right part of town for several years accommodation, let alone settle on where I was sleeping.
It's bizarre that a place could be your home for a month and then just leaves your memory almost entirely. Could I even work out who I stayed with each year? In about 95 I was in a flat with comics I didn't know very well and can only remember that Andre Vincent was one of them. Some Fringes have been wiped from my memory either because of drink or depression. Even some of the memorable and fun ones I can only give you a rough approximation of where I was staying.
Luckily I know where I am staying this year and I suppose that's all that really matters.
Still keeping myself to myself this year, though may become more sociable soon as two days in I might be going a little bit insane.
I like spending the morning working on the show and gradually ramping up the exercise (I did a 90 second plank and 25 press ups before another run round the block today) then doing the show (a fun and slightly awkward one with a slightly confused Paddy Young - who I don't think really knew much about the podcast or me, but got to find out quite a lot quite quickly) and then having a bit of quiet time after the show in my room and then heading out to see other people being funny. Tonight I saw future guests Susie Mccabe and Finlay Christie - both very enjoyable.
I tried to get some dinner before Susie's show but was overwhelmed by the choices on offer and didn't really fancy anything that I was being offered. I still find it weird to go into a proper restaurant on my own and it struck me tonight how much of my life has been spent wandering on my own round city centres all over the world being unable to settle on something to eat, before finally giving up and having the worst possible meal - like a cardboard panini in Costa.
Tonight I probably wandered for an hour - nearly settled for something but then realised there was nowhere to sit and read my book or that I wasn't sure of the queuing system. I finally settled on something but was told the food would take 20 minutes. Edinburgh is full of amazing places to eat yet I couldn't think of anywhere to go.
I was annoying myself both for my indecision, but also because I am still too socially awkward to think of texting someone and forcing my company on them. I did want solitude tonight at least, but it's pathetic to be 59 and so socially incompetent. I don't want to impose on anyone. Like a vampire I need to be invited in by someone. Also like a vampire I am unpopular due to wanting to suck people's blood out of their necks or because I am boring. One of the two.
In the end I concluded that I wasn't actually that hungry so I just went to see Susie.
Loved her show. She's the real deal. Turning a couple of years of horrible bad luck into exquisite and smart story-telling.
After that there were less people at the food trucks in George Sq and I only veered away from one choice due to there being two people ahead of me in the queue. I decided to have fish and chips and did so. It was really easy. Why did that take me 3 hours? Was it a good idea to have such a heavy meal at 10pm? At least I could offset some of the calories against all the steps it had taken to get them.
Finlay's show was very enjoyable too, though at one point I did start thinking about how weird it is to have a job where you stand in front of a big crowd of people and talk to them and they largely sit and listen. This is the kind of thought I usually have on stage, which isn't helpful, but even having it in the audience risked destroying everything I do. Why are we accepting this ridiculous job?
I thought I might not be able to stay up for later shows, but I have more energy than usual - maybe because I am not drunk and not looking after kids and maybe don't have cancer cells swimming through my blood stream. I am not fretting about reviews or audience numbers as none of that really matters (so far I've had decent crowds of 85 and 84 - I think overall I might be down on last year, but these early gigs are holding up respectably).
I feel really fit (still wearing my mask in crowded situations though) and relaxed and although after two nights my heartstrings are being tugged towards my family at home, it's been a lovely three night holiday so far.
Maybe I'll just bite the bullet and have every meal in Pret and then I will have no anxiety whatsoever.
Some fab line-ups coming up over the weekend. Please come and see these if you can. Even though I don't mind too much about audience size, it's still better if people are there!
