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Tuesday 5th November 2013

Warming Up #3999 - its so close I could touch it.

No reply as yet from that company offering Facebook likes etc about whether I can get 1000 1 star reviews for an enemy.

My old aching body rebelled against my young puerile mind today and decided to go on strike, refusing to play ball, even though I have lots of work to do. Fair enough really. My brain often forgets that body and soul both need time off and was happily trying to push on with stuff even though the exhaustion of four nights in a row of gigging and the long drive to Peterborough and back last night was taking its toll. By the afternoon I was lying on my bed, fighting off sleep and watching Season 2 of Breaking Bad. I suspect that I won't be able to keep pushing myself quite as hard as I have been over the last few years.  Don't get me wrong, I love what I do, but I think as the years go by I will feel less inclined to drive all over the country and then get up early to write scripts and more inclined to stay in bed watching TV quizzes, doing sudukos, playing Yahtzee on my phone and eating liquorice allsorts. I hope I can make it to being an old aged pensioner. The lifestyle they enjoy is my idea of heaven. They don't even have to wipe their own arses.

And if I am not careful I will push myself too hard and not make it to that golden age of crosswords and shitting myself. Be a shame to put in all this work and then not be able to enjoy thirty good years in an old folks' home.

So I am glad that my body has it's own shut off switch which it employs occasionally and I am really enjoying watching Breaking Bad again.

And there was still time for some real life slapstick/ghost activity. Last year we were given an old fashioned style set of kitchen scales with a circular dial and a dish on top to put whatever you want weighed in. We haven't used it as we have a more efficient and smaller electronic scale, so have placed the more cumbersome gift on top of our kitchen cupboards. It has been there for about a year without anything untoward occurring, but as I was making lunch today something (and I don't know what - I hadn't touched the cupboard or anything near it) made the metal of the dish of the scales fall from its perch atop the main part and tumble earthwards. And it did this just as I was right underneath it and the dish hit me squarely on the top of the head. Luckily it is made of thin metal and only made a funny sound and left me temporarily confused as to what had just happened. Like would happen in a terrible shitcom. And I am still a bit confused as to what made the dish slip from its place - could it have been the heat from the stove? Surely not and even if that was possible then why hadn't it happened before. My wife had just arrived home, perhaps the slamming of the front door somehow shifted the object, even though it never had before. It seemed a bit of an odd coincidence that this previously secure object would fall just as my stupid head was in the exact right place to be hit. So I think a mischevious ghost is to blame. And I thank God it's more of a Timothy Claypole than a Freddie Kruger, as the latter might have been tempted to push the heavy weighing scale base on to my head and left me with severe brain damage. As it was I was only dazed and humiliated by the unexpected act of evil gravity.

Hopefully something more monumental will happen tomorrow for that all important 4000th consecutive entry. It's a feat that makes me both proud and ashamed. And just as is right I still lag behind Bruce Kimmel who appears to still be going strong with his blog which has been up and running for over a year longer than mine. So he's on about entry 4379.  But he's also 20 years older than me. So if I can just bide my time and stay fit and get into that nursing home.... you won't believe the blogs I'll be giving you then, all Guardian quick crosswords and Pointless. Can't wait.

I know God will never let me win. It's not his style.

The free audio of the RHLSTP with Dara O Briain is now up at the British Comedy Guide and or subscribe on iTunes.

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