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The kids were at their grandparents so after I did the row that made my rowing machine less than £100 a go, Catie and me went out for brunch and then she went to see friends in Brighton so I had a whole afternoon to myself - the kids didn't get back til after 6pm. It was deeply weird to have time to myself in a quiet house and I mainly just felt lonely and confused. But I watched sport like a real man might and got hooked into Wimbledon for the first time this year to see Raducanu's impressive win.
Boris Johnson had bought a massive wank hankie with a St George’s flag on it so that he could come on England, but I was saving myself for the game. Many sportspeople say it’s not good to pleasure yourself before a game, but I think that’s true for the fans too. Also Boris, you’re about the same age as me. I know I’ve only got one ball, but you don’t need a wankrag that big anymore.
I was pleased to see England get into the last 5 and didn't dare hope for more, but once the kids were back and in bed I settled down to watch the match and learned that Gareth Southgate probably knew more about team selection that some blokes on Twitter as the team cruised to an impressive 4-0 win.
I disapproved of the tactic to score early in both halves. Everyone knows that it is the goals scored at the end of a match that settle it. Keep it 0-0 til the 89th minute and then score one. It’s pretty pimpsy.
So once England were four up with ages to go I did worry that they’d misjudged the game. But they got away with it. I hope they will use my tactics for the semi final.
Though I continue to think that football is (once it’s played by professionals) is down to a lot of luck. England have had a lot of Sliding Door (or tackle) moments where a tiny change in trajectory would have led to them progressing further, but if Mueller had just put his shot on target then who knows what would have happened and Gareth Southgate may have crashed out in mild disgrace, but instead, here he stands on the edge of legendary status. Which I think he deserves. He’s a brilliant man. And though luck hasn’t always been on his side, maybe this time…
England could win the Euros before I turn 54. Admittedly about two hours before, but I’ll take it. Having been born a year too late for their last major victory it would be nice to get another one in my lifetime.
