Shepherd's Bush is a burgeoning cultural centre and to celebrate that I headed off to the theatre this afternoon. That's right, this afternoon. That's right, in Shepherd's Bush! We have a theatre and everything. Well a theatre anyway. And at least two Chicken Cottages. Wherever you live stinks by comparison. Unless you are in Shepherd's Bush, in which case go get yourself some poor quality fried chicken, eat it, feel slightly sick and then bask in the glory of your marvellous home.
The theatre is of course
The Bush Theatre and is located on the inaccurately named Shepherd's Bush Green (though there is some green bits on it, it is mainly grey). It's actually the first time I have been here in the two and half years that I have been resident here (though I did once have a drink in the pub downstairs in about 1990) and it's a small but perfectly formed space that has premiered the early work of many of our foremost playwrights. Like William Shakespeare. Probably. Look it up. I am not wikipedia.
The play was "When You Cure Me," and was about a 17 year old rape victim who is so affected by the ordeal she's been through that she is unable to walk and is bedridden. Obviously it's quite a serious subject, but it wasn't too worthy and the writing and performances were good. Plus Cassandra from "Only Fools and Horses" was in it. I wondered during the interval whether I would ruin the play if half way through the second half (preferably at the most sensitive and moving part) I shouted out "Cassandra" in a Del Boy voice. I decided that everyone would think it was really funny and probably applaud me, especially the actress Gwyneth Strong who I suspect can not get enough of that joke and who would especially like it when she was playing a different character. After all, who could object to being reminded of their most famous role, especially when they are in a tiny studio theatre and not on TV any more. I know I love it, when people do that to me.
I decided not to do it though.
Luckily the other kooks who think it's a good idea to go to the theatre on a Saturday afternoon were more annoying than I could be even in my imagination.
Towards the end, in what I considered a misjudged and unnecessary moment in what was a largely thought provoking play, the actress playing the rape victim takes off her top for a bed bath. Everyone went very quiet, except for an old woman behind me who had been making a lot of noise with sweet wrappers during most of the first half, whispered to her friend (in a way that made her whisper louder than if she had just talked in her normal voice), "As long as he doesn't try to cut her nails as well." Or words to that effect.
What the Hell did that mean? And could there have been a more inappropriate moment to say it, or indeed anything more inappropriate. She didn't even say it in a Del Boy voice, which might have rescued the situation (though Cassandra wasn't on stage at this point, so even that would have been foolish).
Even though everyone in the audience and both the actors must have heard this, no-one complained. And yet someone would probably have taken exception to my Cassandra crack. Which at least made sense.
