Bookmark and Share

Wednesday 26th May 2004

CNPS numbers spotted 28 (759). The CNPS gods shone down on me after my spirited defence of them yesterday.
Although much of this world record breaking daily total was down to my fastidious note-taking and preparations I did have some magnificent luck (or divine intervention?) as well.
A short drive around my local area got me quickly up to 741, but the 742 I had noted down was no longer parked in the same place. I was about to turn for home, when as if by magic and not for the first time, a 742 drove right by me. Coincidence or something more sinister?
I ended the morning on 751 and though I had some notes on cars that would get me up to 755 I decided I maybe should try and do some work for my "show" on Sunday. I realised that this "show" is really going to be more of a talk and that I am not going to be able to script it too much. But it's a chance to discuss what's been going on and see if people find it interesting. I might make it so informal that people can ask questions. This is a new kind of show for me and is much more about telling a story, so I might get away with adlibbing it, if I can get the story straight in my head. My advice would be to stay away, unless you want to see me floundering around and get pleasure from my pain. You may recognise some stuff from Warming Up.
I went to post some letters in the afternoon. A 752 drove right by me. I was just passing a street where I knew there was a 753 and a 754 wasn't far away either. It was a short walk to the only 755 I had noted down, but thought I might as well go by there. Then it would mean a wait for the elusive 756.
All went to plan and the cars were all where I had left them. I turned a corner heading for home, imagining that after such a good daily haul that the 756 would evade me for a few days. A 756 immediately drove by. Coincidence or something more sinister?
Any Christian who can seriously argue that this does not prove that my religion is right and theirs is wrong is living in cloud cuckoo land. Come over to my religion now before it is too late. For when the time comes that the blasphemy of the new number plates had reached a point where there are more new plates than proper old plates, the earth shall be cleft in twain and only 999 true believers will be rescued to live for all eternity in the Heavenly car-park, where all number-plates are the number that you are looking for next.
For it is written. Just there. I know, cos I just writ it.
It was a simple matter of walking to a nearby street to see the 757 and 758 that were parked almost next to each other (Brackenbury Road if anyone needs them) and then I had to get back home to work.
The fact that a 759 drove by as I headed off to see number 31 did not surprise me at all.
I have seen more numbers in a day than many so-called CNPS players have seen in their entire life-time of playing this game. This does not make me sad, like you think; it makes me a hero and a demi-god. There is still a long way to go and much to distract me from my true course in the next couple of months, but today's total gives even the greatest unbeliever some pause for thought.
I am sure that upon completion the gods will give me some message or blessing that will show me the meaning of life. I am guessing it might be that the meaning of life is to look at loads of number plates.
Ignore the CNPS gods at your peril, my friends. For they are good and fearsome and evil and lamb-like. But like a lamb that has a lion's face and a sea-lions flippers. Which can shoot acid.
But only if you don't believe in them. Or if you believe in them, but doubt that their flippers can shoot acid. But in that case they won't shoot the acid directly at you, but give you a warning shot, giving you time to believe in the acid shooting flippers and thus save your face from getting acid on it. But you'd have to be an idiot not to believe in the acid shooting flippers once you had seen them. Or want to be covered in acid.
What I have said, let no man put asunder. For alway.

Bookmark and Share



Buy my new book/ebook/audiobook "Would You Rather?" (get stickers and a signed bookplate from gfs. Also available as a very different audiobook with the brilliant Stevie Martin
Help us make more podcasts by becoming a badger You get loads of extras if you do.