Warming Up

After three weeks of my weight basically staying the same (down a bit and then back up a bit) for no discernible reason, suddenly in the last two days it has dropped by over 2 kgs. I hadn’t made any especial effort to eat less or exercise more (if anything I’d had a few more treats). There is no real logic to it, but it shows that you mustn’t get disheartened by plateaus and that if you just keep plugging away there will eventually be progress. I weighed in at 82.6kg this morning, below my realistic target of 83kg and actually the lowest weight I’ve been since the summer of 2014. I got down to under 80kg that time and it feels like that might be possible again.

I understand that judging progress by what you weigh is not perfect, but it works for me as it’s a good indication of how things are going and gives me something to aim for. But I am very happy to have reached this goal and think this might be a realistic weight to attempt to maintain.

And I managed an easy, hilly 9.5km run from Me2 this morning (taking 67 minutes, over 4 minutes faster than Me1 had managed last time I took this route). At the weekend it had been so hot and I was tired quickly and had had to turn back, but today, even though it was equally hot, I had the energy and the running flowed easily and though I had the option to go home after 6km (I was about 50 metres from my front door) I turned left instead of right and went up a steep hill to extend the run. It feels good to have this much energy.

My son has a new catchphrase that is slightly problematic. He keeps shouting out “Fart gun!” Fart is quite a controversial word as to some people it’s a swear word and to some it is now. In our family we tend to use it liberally as we don’t feel it’s that rude, but I know that some people would disagree with that. My dad doesn’t like it. And if kids say it at school they might get into trouble. So we’re trying to discourage him for that reason. 

But it’s more of a problem due to the fact that he’s only three and his intonation is sloppy and when he says Fart Gun it sounds quite like he’s saying something quite different and considerably ruder. When he first started saying it I was pretty sure he was saying “Fuck gun,” and had to ask him to repeat it quite a few times before I worked out what he was trying to say. 

Even if you don’t think fart is a swear word, if you think a three year old is shouting out "fuck gun” over and over then that’s likely to be a problem. So do we try to make him stop or just train him to say his consonants more crisply. The former seems easiest.

But just like the 3 year old me with his catchphrase “Wee wee, poo poo, bottom” my son delights in the consternation that his rudeness causes and is thrilled by his edginess (he doesn’t realise he’s accidentally being super edgy as he is largely unaware of the word fuck - though it might occasionally have slipped out of his father’s mouth in moments of stress). I know that I am reaping what I sowed and there’s a big part of me that admires my son for his relentless rudeness and for him sticking to his fart guns and his fuck guns by refusing to do what he’s told by “the man”.

I am also jealous that he’s come up with such an excellent swear. Fart gun is a much funnier thing to say than the frankly childish “wee wee, poo poo, bottom” (though don’t get me wrong, the boy also thinks it’s comedy genius to talk about poo and things that don’t poo pooing). He’s way ahead of me in the art of expletives and I dread to think how far he will have progressed in this art by the time he is my age. 

For now though we have to find a way to make him stop saying something that could be interpreted as “fuck gun” without letting him relish the power of what he’s saying and enjoying our opprobrium. I have to tell you our tactics are not working. The only way might be to punish him for swearing and make him lose some treats or iPad time. But how hypocritical would I be to do that. I should be rewarding this swearing genius, not chastising him.

Fart gun.

Top RHLSTP with David Baddiel (recorded at the start of the Euros so there was hope the song might need a lyric change) - some great stuff about Trolls, his book “Jews Don’t Count” and “It’s Coming Home”. Here or wherever you get your podcasts.