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Thursday 19th August 2004

As I was walking up to the internet cafe early this morning, after a reasonably heavy night of drinking and poker, I was given a small bottle of Domestos by a giant in pink trousers. To be honest by this stage in the festival it is very difficult to tell if such instances are real or imagined. Perhaps I had finally cracked up, perhaps the booze and the shoes had got to me. Then near to him was a dwarf also in pink trousers, also handing out small bottles of Domestos. I am guessing the two were together, but it might have been some kind of amazing coincidence; the tallest and the smallest man in the country independently having decided that they were going to reward the people of Edinburgh with trial size bottles of detergent.
More likely someone at Domestos had thought, "I know what we need to do to publicise our toilet cleaner. Get a very tall and a very small man to distribute it in the town centre. Maybe we could also get some siamese twins and a bearded lady. That's the kind of image we at Domestos want to promote."
I think if they'd really been on the ball they should have got the dwarf to distribute very large bottles of Domestos. This would probably have made him more popular with the toilet cleaning public, but would also have given a more comic image. A giant with tiny bottles of detergent and a dwarf with gigantic barrels of the stuff. That would have stuck in my mind.
Of course there is always the chance that I imagined this. But if so I have managed to clean the toilet in my flat with one of the imaginary bottles. I do have a strong imagination, but I'm not convinced it is strong enough to clean a toilet after three weeks of Festival use. Nor can it kill all known germs. But it can imagine some unknown germs who actually thrive on Domestos.

Is this thing nearly over yet?

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