Warming Up

It’s hard to fuck up pizza, but the place we went to lunch seemed to manage it. We were starving and had got lost trying to find the place and it was a longer walk than we’d anticipated and then the food order took a good while. So it was a relief when they turned up. But all four pizzas were coated in black dust (that I am guessing was some kind of herb shake powder stuff, but not sure why it was so thick and dark) and it was actually difficult to determine what the toppings were. There was supposed to be chicken on mine, but it was probably good that it was hard to work out if it was a vegetable or a chunk of cheese, because I think it might have been “chicken" meat grown in a lab. The pizza itself was mainly bread and the bread was OK.

We couldn’t wait any longer for food so there was no question of returning it and I ate it. I haven’t been eating bread much, so even weird black bread with unrecognisable food stuff welded to it is still a treat. I ate all mine and couldn’t stop myself eating half of my son’s “pizza” that he’d been sensible enough to leave. I don’t like to waste food, even if it’s not really fit for human consumption. I ate too much and it wasn’t nice and I already felt bloated and weird and wished I hadn’t wasted a treat day or a cheat day on something that was so absolutely horrible. I sensed (correctly) that I’d just put on a kilo and my body, more used to vegetables nowadays was reeling and felt poisoned. I’m very tempted to put this up on tripadvisor. Because THAT’S a review. But I won’t. 

I don’t think we’ll be returning though. Maybe it's better for a restaurant if you do speak up when things aren't acceptable. But that is not the way I operate. I prefer just to pretend everything was fine and then stir shit about it later. It was so bad that I wonder if it was some kind of revenge for something.

I was gassy for most of the day and the gas has the aroma of mixed herbs that had passed through the intestine of a pig. Which I suppose was pretty close to the truth.

I have given up on nearly all my favourite drinks and foodstuffs and I think today might have ended pizza for me. I am pretty sure that 90% of my weight loss is down to the absence of bread. 

After a trip to the shops, during which Ernie thought it would be funny to run away from me in the supermarket. He got quite a distance and I’d lost him, but helpful shoppers pointed the way and we got through another day without seriously misplacing a child, we went home and watched the Goonies. Which the kids were already calling “One Eyed Willy”. After all the build up One Eyed Willy was going to be a bit of a let down and they were both disappointed that the skellington just had an eye missing and no face penis. But I think they enjoyed the film anyway. And I respected everyone in the Goonies for not bothering to go after the pirate ship at the end and just accepting that somehow an unmanned old ship full of treasure was lost. Rather than getting on a boat or helicopter and picking up all the rest of the gold.