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I was performing at the Structured Products Awards tonight. I am not sure what that was, but I prefer products that have structure, so I was happy to support this recognition that they sometimes don’t get. I had been supposed to present the awards, but they decided they wanted someone from the magazine to do it, so all I had to do was a 15 minute stand up set. To be fair that’s the hardest bit of the job, but my wages stayed the same and I got home much earlier so I was happy.
I’ve done three awards ceremonies in the last month (with another one in a week or so), which is really helping me to get through these tricky months where I am largely working for free on AIOTM. I am getting better at it and more confident too - I didn’t get the crash of nerves that has hit me on stage on the last two occasions - but it’s a strange job.
They are usually held in a hotel and as they always get you in early for rehearsals (actually not required today, but I was still in by 5pm) you get a hotel room to use and as you wait between rehearsal and performance (and as the guests have their dinner) you can order room service, work on your jokes or watch TV (I felt like having a sleep today, but decided it might be a bad idea). Room service on your own in a hotel room is a strange experience. But so is the fact that you don’t have to pay for what you order. It feels tragic and sort of cool all at once. But mainly tragic.
There were around three hours to kill today but I used them well, trying to work out five minutes of material about Brexit, Trump and the collapse of financial institutions. And then to think of another ten minutes of material that would be funny without being offensive. Which is pretty hard with my stuff. But even though I had a glass of wine with my steak and chips, I was much more focused than last time.
I got down to the room full of bankers about five minutes before my appointed time to go on and unusually went on pretty much on time, remained calm, kept things slow and measured. Got laughs with my topical and structured product based stuff, did a good rendition of Ferrero Rocher and then after all that waiting, my actual time at work was just a quarter of an hour. Which I am very happy with. I didn’t know how they’d feel about Trump so I asked them and it was mainly weary resignation with some frat boy style cheering from the back. I told them they’d make lots of money but it would be irradiated. It’s a tough line to walk but it’s nice to say that kind of stuff to an audience that I would probably never usually get.
And then I was off and free from handing out the awards. I went to the room, got my stuff and got into the lift. A young couple had been waiting, got in and held the door for me. “Where are you from?” asked the girl. I told her I was from London and asked where she was from, “Norway,” she said. The man she was with was kissing the back of her neck and shouted “Not me, I’m from London.” I wondered if they had just met or whether they were friends from before. They were clearly quite good friends now. She asked me if I had been to Norway and I told her that I had been to Oslo. She said what a beautiful place it was and I agreed but said that booze was expensive. Everything is expensive, she told me. The man kissed her neck more and chipped in a comment about Sweden. It was strange to be in an intimate situation where something intimate was happening, but we were all pretending that it wasn’t. But nice to make some new friends and wonder which of them was staying in the quite posh hotel (presumably the young woman as the man was from London) and how they met and whether they’d meet again. They were at least heading out of the hotel to find fun elsewhere. But it was early. And I was pleased of that. It had been an easy and good day’s work for me. Three or so hours of waiting and a quarter an hour of working. I wouldn’t want to do this every day. But maybe every other day would be fine!
