Warming Up

Yesterday Phoebe told me that her and Fred had had a baby. "Who’s Fred?" I asked, "I thought you were married to Jeff.”

“Oh yes, Jeff,” she replied, “Sometimes I forget his name.”

There was me worried that Jeff might be a heart-breaker, but it’s Phoebe who doesn’t even remember the name of the father of her child. I pity that poor smirking idiot

She told me the baby was called Lill. 

Today I saw that Lill had joined Jeff on the wall of the living pictures. She is a happy looking girl, with half of her father’s mouth.

It’s all happening so fast. I don’t know if I am ready to be a grandfather. I had planned to bump off Jeff by ripping him to shreds, but I can’t do that to a baby. A baby that has clearly inherited my eyes. 

Enjoy your life everyone. It whizzes by so fast. It only seems like two days ago that my daughter was an unmarried six year old and now look at her.

I Facetimed my parents this afternoon. Ernie was particularly keen to talk to them and show them all the toys in his room. He greeted them cheerfully and then said, “What are you doing there. I thought you were dead!” Which luckily the old folk found amusing. He hasn’t seen them on the phone for a couple of weeks, so I guess in a child’s life that’s a long time and you just make assumptions. He then continued to quiz them about why they weren’t dead and when they were going to die, I think he informed them that it couldn’t be too far away given their age. Ernie didn’t seem too bothered about the loss. He was pretty cheerful about it. Mum and dad took it in good spirits. Dad seemed relieved that their deaths would pass over the kids so easily.

Though Ernie loves his grandparents and doesn’t fully understand what dying means and I think he just sees it as a transitionary event that leads to you becoming a ghost. Which both thrills and scares him. He does after all have friends in the house who he says come in and out of the blocked up door that once led to our room to his, but is now the back of our wardrobe. So maybe he’s right. 

He’d be a great guest on RHLSTP, that’s for sure.

Anyway he would be very sad to lose his silly grandad and his grandma, unless they could guarantee that they’d be friendly ghosts. Which I assume they would be. He’s certainly one prone to make faux pas with his most elderly relatives, whether it’s being surprised they’re still alive or shitting on their patio. They still seem to like him regardless.