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As I managed to get quite a way ahead with my book club reading on holiday I am able to try to enjoy some reading (or actually listening) for pleasure and I have been enjoying the audiobook of the Count of Monte Cristo. I fancied I'd read this before as I love the story, but I think
I've only just seen film adaptations, because this thing is fucking huge and I'd definitely remember ploughing through that.
This morning I got to the bit where he finds the treasure (spoiler alert) and noted that I still have over 28 hours of listening to go (I am on 1.5 speed so it may actually be shorter). Fucking Hell Dumas. What were you thinking?
Apparently what he was thinking was "I am paid by the line, so you're going to get a whole load of the fuckers".
28 hours though! I think the whole book is about 35. So 80% of the thing is about revenge. Which I am all on board for, but still.
Having listened now to how he rewards his friend Morrel, I am thinking that I am right to always call this book The Cunt of Monte Cristo. He certainly wrings every ounce of drama out of the subterfuge to save his ship-owning former boss from bankruptcy, but he comes within minutes of letting the man die by suicide. Rather than just coming in and saying "I'm alive! I'm rich! Have some money!" the Cunt of Monte Cunto, pretends to be English (and laughs at the front of his teeth, like apparently we all do), gives Morrel three months to pay the debts that he has purchased (knowing he won't be able) and then weirdly insists on luring his sixteen year old daughter away, telling her not to bring anyone with her. He's going to give her the money, but there seems no real reason to frighten an entirely innocent person in this way.
Luckily Morrel waits til midday to kill himself, even though there is no way he's going to find 200,000 francs in a morning so he might as well have done it first thing, as the money all turns up with seconds to spare.
I can't really blame the Cunt of Cunty Cunto, I suppose. He's been locked away for fourteen years in terrible circumstances and has probably lost some of his social graces, But if this is the way he treats his friends then I can't wait to see how the people who fucked up his life are going to fare.
Whilst this story is a pretty much cut and dried example of an innocent man being betrayed by horrible people, through no fault of his own, in real life revenge is the stupidest of actions. Revenge is pretty much the excuse for every terrible thing in the world. They did this to me, so I'll do this to them. Oh look he did that to us, we'll have to do something worse to him. It's often hard to work out who actually started something, as revenge generally escalates from something pretty small or at least less harmful and it's difficult to ascertain who actually crossed the line. But generally speaking, those seeking revenge fail to acknowledge any fault of their own. The Cunt of Cunty Cunto really didn't do anything wrong - at least until he started paying people back (both for good and bad) - but that's not how things go generally.
Working with self-obsessed comedians I have noticed many times the kind of personality type that is determined to get revenge for perceived slights (some actual, some not), but never has the compunction to pay back any kindness or assistance. Those driven by revenge, I feel, usually see themselves as the star of the film, who can do no wrong and who also had no help in getting to where they are, so owe nothing (cf Donald Trump) At least CCC rewards those he loved, if in a creepy and dangerous way (makes for a better - and longer- book: Dumas is no dumb ass).
Of course killing someone might be seen as the ultimate revenge. If someone has challenged you or slighted you or defeated you or is just a bit in your way, then you can kill them and thus you win. Now they've shut up!
Killing people definitely works. Which is why you never hear anything about the views of Martin Luther King Jr or Gandhi or Jesus Christ any more.
Well done everyone, keep on with killing. It will probably make people think you're right and unlike you, they almost certainly won't seek revenge by killing you or someone else they don't like.
I don't want to be the one to say, come on, at some point you need to stop killing each other, because that kind of person usually gets killed. There's nothing that infuriates those seeking vengeance than being told to stop it.
Anyway, I am sure Dumas probably has some more stuff to say in the remaining ten thousand pages of his stupid, brilliant book. He may have strung it out, but it's such a thrilling novel and fantastic writing. Usually I find it hard to follow a classic novel as an audiobook, but this one has me gripped. I mean not so gripped that I am going to spend another whole day listening to it in one go.
I'm listening to the version read by Bill Homewood, who does a fantastic job.
Anyway, still hoping I might get Dumas on the podcast. I like to read the whole book before I decide if I like it enough to get them on, so hopefully he will do it. Otherwise I am going to have wasted an awful lot of time.
