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I’ve been really making an effort to eat healthily, log my food and exercise daily over the last fortnight or so, and it’s all paying off. I am feeling way better and have shed almost 4kg in the last 16 days, which is over 8 pounds. I haven’t really been hungry and have still managed to usually have a daily Solero (which is now pretty much my only indulgence). It turns out getting ill and being told you need to lose weight to avoid future problems is the incentive I needed. Hooray for cancer!
I am of course well above my BMI official weight, though maybe this will be the diet where I finally find out how awful I look if I weigh what Ian BMI thinks I should. I am about a kilo above the weight that I thought I’d be happy to settle on, and five kilos above the weight I finally settled on (for a few months) after the last health kick and 8kg above the lowest weight I got to in 2014. And 17.4kg above the recommended highest weight for my height and age according to BMI. Fuck you Ian BMI.
I still haven’t quite got out of brush-with-death-mode and am still hugging my kids tight and breathing in deep and appreciating the greens of the countryside on dog walks. I have been keen to plough ahead and leave all of this behind like a weird fever dream that came out of Covid, but I have to try and accept that it’s all real and that even if all goes well with what’s happening , that doesn’t make me immortal.
All of this has made me realise that I definitely want to be alive for another 20 years and I will be pretty peeved if I go before then. You look at my face as I’m dying and you will see a definite tut developing on my lips, even if I don’t have the strength to get it out. So much of life is about waiting for something to happen and I’ve had this feeling that something is just round the corner for me for a long time, so if it doesn’t turn up and I have to bow out early I will be pretty narked off.
Especially when it suddenly hits me that all the amazing things that have happened whilst I’ve been waiting for something to happen, were in fact the thing that I was waiting to happen.
I really want to be the last comedian of my generation to die, just so I will be able to bad mouth all those other pricks with no comeback and exaggerate my own contributions to the genre. That was all I had going for me life, so don’t snap me out of it.
And as much as I’d be delighted to have a valid excuse not to do 50% of the childcare duties (and what is death if not the ultimate excuse), it would be annoying to put in all this hard work and then not even get to see how this little twits turn out. But at some point you have to not see how the little twits turn out. It’s not like they will have any idea of who they are when they’re 25. And I almost definitely can’t hang about to see them get to 50.
I am feeling pretty amazingly well right now though. But apart from when the days after they ripped out by bollock and the days after they gave me chemo I’ve been feeling fine all year. Cancer is a sneaky little bugger and can eat up an entire organ of your body without causing any pain or blood or anything. So I can’t help wondering what its evil little nut termites might be up to whilst I feel like a man who is only 17kg overweight and thinks he’s a youthful 51 years old.
I can’t imagine a world without me in it. Despite me only having been in it for a very tiny fraction of the time the world has existed. And I know that one day the world won’t have me in it (or only in ghost form which is no use to anyone) and that it will somehow survive the loss.
Just give me twenty more years and we’ll call it even.
But don’t choose one of the dick comedians to be the one who gets to rewrite history. You know who I’m talking about.
Since joining Acast (can’t remember the exact date but it was only a little more than 2 years ago) RHLSTP has had 22,000,000 downloads. That’s Morecambe and Wise numbers (though admittedly they’d get that in 45 minutes). Imagine if I had a pound for every download! Luckily I have £10 for every download.
Given we were doing the show for seven years before that, I guess we’re heading towards 100 million downloads. Astonishing stuff.
Thanks for this amazing level of support for this show. Do keep spreading the news.
Chris Evans (not that one) had finally moved into the 21st Century and updated the
gofasterstripe website so it’s a bit easier to use.
