4729/17388
What's this? A night in and we're both awake enough to watch a film? Result. It's time to catch up on the crazy and increasingly confusing antics of those pesky Terminators in Terminator Geniysysyysysysys. Putting a Terminator in something is a much better route to success than the a shrek method and this film has about six a terminators in it (if not more), plus a Doctor Who? and a khaleesi, so how could it go wrong?
Somehow it achieved the impossible and went wrong. How unlikely that a film that pisses over the idea of time travel could annoy me.
I don't know if they're planning to address the many, many plot holes in this thing in some future film (but starting with a mis-spelled Genesis makes me wonder if they're working their way through mis-spelled books of the Bible (can't wait til they get to Habakkuk) so there's plenty of time). But just like Jeb Bush and with less excuse, the makers of this time travel movie didn't seem to appreciate that by changing anything in a time-line then everything changes. I don't want to spoil the Terminator franchise, let's leave that to everyone who's tried to make any film after Terminator 2, but if Sarah Connor has been living with a Terminator since 1973 and her parents have been murdered by another Terminator, then it's unlikely that the original Arnie would show up in exactly the same scenario as he did in the first film. But even if he did, once he's been destroyed before he can get his pants on, then we've got some major, major changes to the original timeline and John Connor can not possibly ever exist, unless you believe his sperm is destined to jump into his mother's egg regardless of circumstances. On the plus side those other Sarah Connors and Sarah Connor's flat mate are all fine. Unless they were killed in events caused by the earlier fucking around with the timeline.
They really try to Back to the Future the Hell out of this idea, which might have been some kind of fun, but then they decide to travel in time themselves to fuck stuff up even more and change the time they're going to based on a dream that Kyle has had on his way back through time. Conveniently (almost like they wrote the script based around what they had to work with rather than what would make the best story) they come to 2017 so they don't have to do all old hair styles and clothes, where Arnie has been waiting like Marvin the Paranoid Android (no one worrying that despite destroying all other Terminator technology they had left a whole Terminator walking around for anyone to find and create a new, new, new timeline where Skynet went into production much earlier) and is now the age that Arnie is.
Oh man alive, it's not really worth wasting the finger motions required to write this (so fuck knows how the people who wrote the script feel) but basically there will come a point when the Terminators have visited every second of existence and surely eventually they will succeed in terminating the right person just by the law of averages (one time a terminator has to appear on top of Sarah Connor and burn her to bits) or when everyone is a Terminator and although I don't really want to reveal a major plot twist (though they managed to do so in their own trailer) I think it's deeply disappointing that John Connor gets turned into a terminator and tool of Skynet and is the baddie in the movie. Maybe in the future they're going to reveal that like some kind of Darth Vader in a timeline where he doesn't explode, he gets turned back into a human or remembers himself in death and sends Pops (oh God) back to Sarah Connor to protect her. I don't think we found out who did that. It's probably not important. I think it might have been Jeb Bush, dicking around with time again.
Let's hope they leave it there. Or do a film where everyone involved apologises and they promise to start again and do the story properly. And terrible camerawork too. Just as Khaleesi was taking off her bra the cameraman panned across to Kyle for some reason. Completely missing the only good thing that happened in the film. Which at least proves it was all real and that it wasn't possible to retake.
