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Friday 10th November 2006

I still seem to be suffering from constipation of the imagination and have barely scratched the surface of the re-write. The producer rang today to see how it was going and I lied that I would have a draft ready by Monday evening. It's possible I suppose, but whatever I have by then will not be very good. It's a shame because we're casting it next week and it would be nice if I could have sent out great scripts to the prospective actors. I am such a knob.
But the themes I want to explore are constantly spinning around in my head and you never know they might all click into place over the weekend. When you're at this stage of a script it's slightly reminiscent of being ill. You feel constantly depressed and almost feverish and the script is always there under your skin, like a virus. I should be used to it by now. You've seen me go through this several times now and it always comes out OK. It has done so far.
The script is about family, love and marriage and so those are the things that are going round in my head. I was having a coffee before going swimming this morning and there was a young couple sitting at the next table to me. They were sitting at the same side of the small table, touching and kissing and looking into one another's eyes. All evidence suggested that their physical relationship had just begun. They were smiling and laughing and the man had that tell-tale soppy look in his eyes. He was smitten and looked like he thought this extraordinary and magical happiness would never end.
Life has taught me to be more cynical and I found myself projecting the relationship into the future, with the couple looking at each other with contempt and mistrust and wondering what happened to those golden few weeks or months when they would literally have eaten each other alive.
I laughed at my misanthropy and (let's face it) jealousy, but all beauty must fade and change. You can't keep up that kind of intensity forever and whilst so many loves will fracture and die, some develop and change and grow into something different and better. Or sometimes different and not quite as good.
Or are lovers just fooling themselves. Are all relationships based on some level of pretence? If we pretend long enough do we begin to believe it ourselves?
Ah those eternal questions that course through the head of an envious single man trying to write about relationships.
A friend the other day gave me the argument that one should be in a relationship or married because you wouldn't want to be alone when you were old. This seems like an unromantic reason to attach yourself to someone else for life, but also not very practical. If you are worried about being alone when you are old then surely you should get into a relationship then. What if your chosen lover dies or leaves you or changes and becomes irritiating? Then you will be on your own or with someone that you don't like. Surely better to wait until you're feeling lonely when you're old and then choose a person who suits you. Maybe my friend felt that no-one would be attracted to you once you were old, but in a sense that's quite a shallow judgement of the idea of love. That you fall for a person and want to be with them, but it's really to do with what they look like. And if you get shackled together then at least you will degenerate together and thus be stuck with one another.
Ah well, just blathering now. It's all a bit woolly and obvious and I guess that's kind of the problem at the moment with the script.
In time it will gel.
Let's not fret about the fact that I don't have time.

November quiz - Question 10
Some people know him as James Steven Ignatius Corr, but how did I refer to him in he television show "This Morning With Richard Not Judy"?

Please wait until the end of the month before sending all 30 answers in together. Anyone sending answers individually will immediately invalidate their entry to the competition. Remember the prize will go to whoever has the most answers right. It is still worth entering even if you can't answer all the questions. There will be no additional clues.

And talking of TMWRNJ, the 90s double act Lee and Herring are going to be performing together on stage for the first time since 1999 at a benefit for the comedian Ted Chippington in February. It's a great line up and promises to sell out very quickly, so book as soon as possible. Details below

Monday February 5th 2007 at 8pm
Bloomsbury Theatre, London
Tickets from Bloomsbury Theatre 0207 388 8822 / Seetickets 0871 2200260
A benefit to raise money to pay for the production of a 4 cd box set of the complete works of the 1980’s cult comedian ‘Ted Chippington’, whose vaudeville surrealism predated Vic Reeves and whose ultra deadpan delivery and contempt for the very idea of jokes influenced a generation of comics without any of them even knowing who Ted was. Ted Chippington will not be performing or attending the event
Line up
Simon Amstell (Never Mind The Buzzcocks)
Dan Brown (The Davinci Code)
Stephen Carlin (Customs and Excise department)
Kevin Eldon (Hyperdrive)
Richard Herring (
Robin Ince (Stuart Foot in The Office)
Phil Jupitas (Porky The Poet)
Stewart Lee (Radio 4's Quote Unquote)
Lee and Herring (Paramount TV's Festival of Fun)
Josie Long (if.comedies winner)
Simon Munnery (The Security Guard)
Alan Parker Urban Warrior (BBC2's Paramount City)

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