I got one letter from the postman today. It was addressed to "The Pizza Lover" and had my address on it.

But I think it might have got to me even if it had just had "The Pizza Lover" written on it.

I wondered who would have the affrontary to address a letter to me in this way. Someone who knew me very well. I do after all, love pizza. Though I am surprised that this love for pizza has become so well known for the nick-name "The Pizza Lover" to replace my actual name.

I just hoped it wasn't from a stranger. Such familiarity would be inappropriate. "Mr The Pizza Lover" would be the least I could expect.

Unfortuntely the person who sent the missive chose to remain anonymous. There was no letter in the envelope. All it contained was two leaflets for my local Domino's pizza.

I can only presume that someone, aware of my love for pizza, had thought it would be a nice gesture to send me the leaflet for a pizza company, the produce of which I might like to sample. It was a nice gesture and it makes me wonder if I have a secret admirer. I don't think it would have been the Box Lady. She's moved away now (with all my boxes) and the envelope had a local postmark.

It was probably some kindly soul who goes around the neighbourhood looking through people's rubbish, working out what thing it is they love and then sending them information on how to easily acquire the object of their affections.

A bit like Michael Landon in "Highway to Heaven", but more rubbish and leaflet based.

I'd like to thank the anonymous person who was kind enough to send me the leaflets and next time, do put a little note in telling me who you are and we can perhaps get together one evening to eat one of the pizzas that I love.

Though it was nice of you to recommend Domino's, I do have to say that I have already sampled their wares. In fact I ordered a pizza from them just a few weeks ago. But you weren't to know that. You probably didn't look through my rubbish that day.

I understand that a lot of companies keep records of their customers addresses. Maybe next time you send me a leaflet you could ask to look through it to see if I'm already aware of that outlet.

Sorry if that sounds a bit ungrateful. Just trying to save you some time and unnecessary expense.

Buy Collings and Herrin T-shirts here and AIOTM T shirts here.

For details of the Hitler Moustache tour click here and you can book tickets here for The Lyric Comedy Nights

[ Email this edition of Warming Up to a friend ]