I was disappointed to notice that Mellows Massage Parlour on the Goldhawk Road has been closed down. There are notices stuck all over its strangely mirrored windows informing people that the premises have been ceased by baliffs and you are not to enter.

This is a crying shame as I have passed it many times, but never taken the opportunity to pop in for a nice massage (even after I enjoyed them so much at the Health Farm recently), nor to take advantage of the sauna or jacuzzi (no cheapo whirlpools for Mellows) that the sign outside also boasts. It sounded brilliant and all a short walk from my home. I guess the call for massages, saunas and jacuzzis just wasn't there on this slightly bleak stretch of Shepherd's Bush and it seems a pity. Especially as it was only recently that a sign had gone up in the window informing everyone that the premises was now under new management. The new manager had only been in for a couple of months and doubtless he had been hopeful that he could make a go of things. There are a lot of women in the area and everyone knows that women love massages, so I suppose he was justified in thinking that there might be money to make. But in all my time in the area I haven't seen a single woman entering the premises (apart from the masseuses themselves who have always seemed a bit more grumpy looking than the other members of their profession that I have encountered). So I suppose it's not a surprise.

Maybe the manager should have thought about opening a brothel or something. There's plenty of men in the area who I am sure would happily pay to be masturbated by a whore. They could have closed down the sauna and jacuzzi and had a little wanking area put in instead. That's what I would have done. Something for the ladies, something for the men.

Ha ha, I am funny.

Seriously, I have always wondered what would happen if you went into one of these places and just asked for a go in the jacuzzi. As you will know I don't have the balls to really do anything of the sort (if only I had Balls of Steel like those hilarious people on Channel 4), but it would be a bit of a reverse of the Hand Job experience that I also failed to do. I suppose it must happen occasionally and presumably they must cater for people who just want to sit in a big bubbly bath and not be given hand relief by a grumpy looking woman. I also suspect there are a few smart arses like me who have thought of doing this for a prank, who unlike me have the balls to follow it through. But I also guess that Massage Parlours employ a big mean man to beat up any such idiots (if only Channel 4 would employ such a person - imagine how their output would improve overnight).

Still it's a shame to think that a place as mellow as Mellows has been forced into receivership before I can find these things out for sure and I wish all the ladies who work there good luck in finding another job or even better that Mellows will shortly open again under new new management. If they put in some waterslides and a ping pong table I will definitely patronise the place. Especially if a woman will wank me off for money whilst I'm playing.

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