Am I am nerd?
I mean, I've joked about it in the past, but that was just a crazy comedy character I played. Pretending to be a bit nerdish and obsessive for your entertainment. Obviously in reality I am really, really, really, really cool. Really cool. Cooooolio.
Yes that cool.
But last night I was in the dressing room at a gig and TV's Stephen Merchant was on. I had just been watching the first few episodes of Season 3 "The Office: An American Workplace" and couldn't help myself from telling him how brilliant it was. Like a comedy fan boy rather than a professional equal. He took it all with good grace, as he is an extremely nice man, but was it the kind of thing a nerd would do? I then started discussing Michael Palin's diaries with him before realising how I sounded. "I love comedy," I told Stephen, "It's my whole life. Even in my spare time, it's just comedy."
He laughed. But sardonically. Like a man aware of the tragic life unfolding in front of him. And possibly thinking of writing a sit-com character based on the idiot in front of him. Before realising that no one would ever believe that such a nerd existed. And that it wasn't even funny. Just pathetic.
Today I was being interviewed for the BBC "Imagine" by the legendary Alan Yentob about my obsession with Scrabble. I thought I was pretty cool for being specifically requested to be on this premier arts show. Finally I would get recognised as the uber-Fonz that I am. But only once the interview began and Yentob began questioning about how often I played the board game and looked astonished when I told him that there are days when I can play the game on my DS for up to four hours. Like playing a competitive computer game against a fictional pixilated opponent and gettng excited about it is somehow not cool. I also told him about the time
I found myself playing Scrabble alone on my gameboy in a restaurant whilst wearing a Scrabble T shirt. Yentob looked smug and satisfied with the revelation. He didn't want me on this show to reveal to the world how hip and groovy I was. He wanted me on to demonstrate how dysfunctional I was. I am a nerd.
But on the positive side in the game I played against the other Scrabble nerds they had assembled for the programme I was easily the best. I was the only one to get a bingo (I played "earthier" - I hope they picked that up on camera and I also got "zittiest", but ridiculously that isn't a word). So at least that makes me the coolest person out of all the Scrabble nerds, because I have put the most time into playing the game and am better at it than all of them. Yup. It does. It makes me cool. Like Kool Keith. Except cooler.
