In the morning I felt like I was getting somewhere with the play script, though only in rewrite of the bit I've already done. But I couldn't build on it in the afternoon as I was gigging in Chippenham. When I'd been offered the gig I thought I had been a genius for suggesting I went on at 5.30pm (it's part of a weekend long festival), so I wouldn't have to drive home late. But as it turned out I wished I'd been on at 8 so I could have worked until 5. I had, as I always seem to do, miscalculated (perhaps stupidly assuming that I'd have more or less finished the play by now). There was no way I could have known that today would be the first day in a week where my tired and terrified brain was firing.
But I was glad to do the gig. And on the plus side I already have around about 45 minutes of material for "Lord of the Dance Settee" which mainly seems to be firing. I am sure much of it will bite the dust and I need to work on the order and put in a few more jokes, but I am a lot further forward than usual with the stand-up show and it hasn't required much work. Hammering away at this blog every day does pay dividends when it comes to putting together a show. Even one decent idea a month gives me more than enough stuff for an hour. It's a starting point from which hopefully routines will grow.
But not from today.
My email to myself of the past via compuserve finally bounced back today. So I guess I never saw it. But that in itself is an interesting idea for the show perhaps. The idea of sending a message to your younger self is one that is appealing and yet pregnant with problems and fears. If you could change the past with a time travelling finger or a warning from the future, would you? Would it be worth the risk of losing what you've got now and changing the world for everyone else be worth the possible gain. If I changed my past to become more successful or wealthier or to have prevented 9/11 then I have to accept that I probably wouldn't have met my wife (even if I'd attempted to fix it so I did, then it would be under different circumstances that might not work out for us) or have my cats. I might have saved some lives, but at the expense of others. Logic tells me that I might have a different wife or better cats that never wee on my bed or that the tombola of fame would have spun a different way and I'd have had more success so the other time-line I'd created might be superior in a lot of ways. But I wouldn't want to lose what I have. So that ability to send myself an email has made me realise how happy I am with the way things are.
What I am saying is that if I could prevent 9/11 I wouldn't do it, for fear that I might have different cats. And that's a very positive thing.